Happy New Year

I am on my way to a vegetarian fondue party. An LA New Year if there ever was one.

Here's hoping 2008 is kind to us all.

New Car, It's Been Fun...

Today I hit a parked car. I scraped off all the paint from their bumper and scratched my brand new car pretty badly. I was pulling out of my driveway and their car was parked next to it. Another car came down the street, coming at me, and I over corrected to get out of the way. Good bye money, it was nice knowing you. On the plus side now that I can't afford food, the post holiday diet will be super easy.

Ready For This Year To Be Over

I am not big on New Years Eve, thinking it an overhyped holiday with expectations that can never be met. That being said, I am decidedly ready for 2007 to be ushered the fuck out. 2007 has sucked beyond belief for many reasons which I have already listed and bitched about on this here little blog. I was thinking about this last night when I was scooping up my purse to run and grab a burger with a friend. As I lifted my purse from my 2 month old couch I noticed something. Something wet. My cats had welcomed me home by peeing on my couch. I would like the going to the bathroom on furniture trend to end with 2007 please. And I would like to door to hit 2007 squarely on the ass upon exit.

Now I am off to clean my couch. Again. My life is awesome.

Christmas Eve

Today is my most favorite day of the year. The house smells like baking, my family all comes together for dinner, and we all sit around and talk. I prefer it over Christmas day with the tearing open of presents and the end to the anticipation.

The house current smell: homemade cinnamon rolls that will be eaten tomorrow.

And now I am off to enjoy a mimosa with my mom and convince her that drunken Wii should be the new holiday tradition.

Happy holidays to you all.

Home

Got home this afternoon after a very long drive to find this scene...



Faux Arty Christmas shot with new fancy camera...




Even the evil yippy dog looks cute during the holidays...

A Cure

Today I feel better, roughly 85% healthy. I have discovered a cure, get a pencil and write it down. Lay around for 4 days watching tv and bemoaning state as a human being, then take cough syrup and an ambien. Sleep for 12 hours. Repeat as necessary.

As such, today I not only left my house I went to work. While there we all compared symptoms and war stories. Even the company president poked his head in the office and said 'I lost 6 pounds, totally worth it!'. Our entire department was out sick on Monday all save one guy, who I called my I Am Legend warrior. He held the ship together and after we all came back in collapsed. Poor dude is so sick now. He contends he'll feel better tomorrow, we all shake out heads and say, wait until 3 AM tonight when you can't breathe and we'll discuss.

Also at work today someone mentioned that they would be coming into the office the day after Christmas and could we schedule a meeting? After I finished laughing I let him know, sure, as long as he doesn't mind that I am in pajamas, in a different state and when I am awake I have a mouth full of cookies.

T minus 2 days until I hightail it out of implants-ville and to a land full of bad tv and family.

Mmmm Relaxing

Imagine sinking into a steaming hot tub, ready to relax (and hopeful it will help you breathe). Suddenly a small furry head pops over the edge and plunges into the water. That small head then begins to lap up the water and regardless of how many times you push him away he pops back up. This goes on for approximately 10 minutes until so frustrated you drain the tub and go back to rocking in the corner.

Fucker.

A Few Notes on TV

As I have made a permenant ass imprint on my couch due to Bronchial Death Flu 2008, I have watched a fair bit (96 hours worth) of TV. A few notes:

1) While I love my ANTM marathons more than most, what did MTV do before this show? Something with music perhaps? No, that can't be it. But MTV has become ANTM central and I have no rewatched cycles 3, 5 & 9. In the past 48 hours. Do I know how to party or do I know how to PAR-TAY?

2) Who greenlit the sequel to The Prince and Me? And why is it being shown on TV? And more importantly, why dear god why did I watch the whole thing?

3) The Price is Right is weird without Bob. There. I said it.

In addition to these wonderful things I have read the entirety of the internet. I am done now. I haven't left my apartment since Thursday. I am about 2 hours away from thinking the people in the little box are talking directly to me. Ok, that's harsh, more like 3 hours.

Things Are Going Very Well

I haven't left my house since Thursday evening. I still can't breathe and still have a fever. And one of my cats just POOPED IN MY BED. Next to my pillow. This means one of the following:

1) The cat is sick
2) This is some type of coded message telling me they are sick of my presence around these parts and I need to leave and also stop blowing my nose so loudly.


The Gods LOVE me. I'm going back to rocking back and forth in the corner bemoaning my state and trying to figure out how I pissed off the universe so badly. Oh and also change my sheets and try to figure out how to boil my mattress.

An Open Letter

Dear Next Door Neighbor,

The item sticking out of your door is called ' a door knob'. Say it with me. Do-or, kn-ob. That's right, sound it out. The function of this item is to allow you to turn it and get in and out of your apartment. The turning aspect is key. See, I feel you view the 'door knob' as a 'pulling handle'. A pulling handle that must be pulled with maximum strength each time it's touched or your door won't close. Here's the secret, it will. I know that just pulling it is easier and makes a WONDERFUL banging sound, but that banging sound comes on the other side of my bedroom wall. When I am sick, or you know, it's night time, I tend to sleep in this 'bedroom'. Ergo, the constant banging wakes me up and makes me surly. Don't make me break in and lick your pillows and glassware thus infecting you with Bronchial Fun 2007. Because I will. I am delirious and a bitch. Seriously dude, consider this your warning.

Hugs and Kisses,
Me

PS- Why do you leave your apartment every 20 minutes? Do you have some type of brain injury wherein you think you left something in the car but get down there only to find you haven't, repeat INDEFINITELY? Let's work on this together. And by that, I mean stop asshat, you are annoying.

Not Breathing and Other Fun Items

The problem with a bronchial infection is this: it makes it difficult to breathe. This is especially problematic as I am human and require oxygen to you know, live, and mock others. When you are sick, all you want to do is sleep. However, it's difficult to sleep without breathing. In fact, not breathing will keep you up all night. Ergo I found the one position wherein I could breathe somewhat regularly, said thanks I know yoga, and stared at my ceiling until daybreak. Then I got out of bed and attempted to go to work.

By 'attempted to go to work' I mean the following: I got out of the bed and into the shower. Upon having to turn on said shower I got winded and realized I wouldn't do much good in an office where they require me to move around and do thing other than make guttural noises and point. I then decided it was time to work from home. A most embarrassing thing happened 6 hours after this decision. I was on a call with a coworker when I coughed and somehow knocked out my voice. I just squeaked. Co worker said "are you there??!?' and I said 'squeak'. At which point he instructed me to tap on the phone if I was alive and ok, which I did. Then we decided to move our conversation to IM. I'm a winner.

Between emails and conference calls (and conference IMs) I decided to read an uplifting book. As I have read everything in my house more than once I have one book unread: Less than Zero. A holiday tale sure to pick up the spirits of anyone. A few hours after finishing I was able to extract myself from slowly rocking in the corner while weeping and drink some orange juice.

All in all, a highly productive day.

You Will Be Shocked

A co worker of mine is sick. Because someone in a 10 foot radius of me sick, and sitting next to me in a conference room, I am sick. I know, you're shocked because I am NEVER sick. Apparently it's been a'brewin' for awhile though as I have a bronchial infection.

Whee! Viva le holidays! Someone punch me in the face!

I swear to Christ one day I will strangle a doctor into telling me why if someone sneezes in Uruguay I get sick. Then I will make said doctor fix it. Then I will do a jig of glee. Excuse me though why I go cough out one of my lungs and bemoan my state. I am chock full of rainbows and joy.

Christmas in LA

The heater in my apartment hasn't been working. (As it's a freezing 45 degrees outside (please note, that was heavy sarcasm) I need heat. My once New York-i-fied thick skin has melted away and now I need a sweater if it's in the 60's. Ergo, I have been living under roughly 25 blankets when I am at home. It will be this 'cold' for maybe another few weeks and then it will be 70 and people will be wearing mini skirts with Uggs and my soul will die a little. But I digress...)My landlord gave me a dude to call and we set up an appointment for 9 AM. I woke up, got out of the shower and the doorbell rang. I had a brief moment of panic thinking I had possibly fallen asleep while in the shower then I noticed the clock. In what world is 8:32 actually 9AM? When I said, in surprise 'you're early' he looked at me like I was crazy and said 'it's almost 9!' and then walked past me and fixed the heater. This is the second handyman that has seen me in a robe in about 2 months. They should be really grateful that I dress like a Puritan and own 4 robes that cover 99.9% of me. Needless to say, it was an interesting start to my day.

Last night was my company holiday party. I drank far too much, danced and people watched. At the party were a handful of reality stars, a rapper of some notoriety and a 7 foot tall transexual. Seriously. And now you know why I live in LA, because where in the hell could you possibly find that mix? Oh and she was wearing 5 inch leopard platform shoes. I now know what I am getting my mom for Christmas.

All Class, All the Time

I totally own this:



Why? Because I personify class.

Tonight for dinner: wine from a cube. Captain Crunch.

Is that elegance and sophistication I smell? Why, I do believe it is.

An Open Letter

Dear Whoever Is Pressing the Fast Forward Button on the Weekends,

Could you, like, um, stop it? Seriously dude, it's not cool and it's also fucking with my head. I blink and it's Sunday at 11 and I have shocking amounts of things undone that decidedly need to be done, and this is no fault of my own and the America's Next Top Model marathon on MTV on Saturday. Or the bucket loads of sleep. Not in the least. If you have some overwhelming urge to hit that fast forward button would you kindly only press it Monday through Friday?

Thanks, you're a peach.

xoxo
Me

Schmursday

This week felt very long. Longer than usual. Ergo, I think 'the man' snuck in an extra day. I call this day Schmursday. All I can say is Schmursday sucked dick. Schmursday brought stress and over extension and bagels, because Schmursday isn't all bad, just chock full of carbs.

Luckily, that's all over. I am now on my couch with my cats preparing to bake cookies. I know how to PAR-TAY. But I needed a night in, a night without plans. As lately, all I have are plans. My calendar is so booked that the first free weekend I have is in February 2008. It's just mildly overwhelming. Ergo, a night with cookies and bad movies. Viva le weekend.

Spicey

I have something to admit. In the 90's when I was a bitter teenager I hated the Spice Girls and their endless pep. I believe I may have had a somewhat biting impression of Ginger Spice. Last night...I went to the Spice Girls concert. And worse, I fucking loved it. I danced, I apparently knew the words to the vast majority of the songs, and along with the rest of the stadium I shook my ass and sang at the top of my lungs to that damn Zig-a-zig-ah song. Oh yeah, I totally did. Without shame.

Here's the deal I ,now, really like pop music. (I also love hip hop & hard core rap, which goes against my whole look and general shocks the shit out of people. I tend to look like Connecticut coughed me up and at any moment I will bake you a pie. I respect the look and look like an asshole when I fight it. I made this mistake a lot in high school and tried to pull off grunge and hipster. I looked like someone's mom dressed up for Halloween. But I digress.) I like pop music and Ryan Seacrest and I totally just admitted that out loud. It's kind of like an alcoholics anonymous meeting but it's me on my couch admitting to rocking out to the new Ashlee Simpson song instead of in a room with stale donuts and coffee.

But here I am, shields off. My name is Meghan and I like the Spice Girls. Feel free to judge. I am.

Early Christmas

The boy and I did Christmas over the past weekend due to family stuff coming up over the coming weeks. He got me a kick ass camera. As such this here little blog will have significantly more photography. Like this little gem I have entitled 'Well, hello there ladies...'

All Walken, All The Time

Tonight a friend and I went to a performance called All About Walken. In it a troop of 8 people dress up and impersonate one Mr. Christopher Walken. You really haven't lived until you've seen 8 people in wigs dancing to Thriller.

Quote of the night (said as Christopher Walken if he were a waiter):

"Karate chop...that's how you take out a shark...see people know karate....sharks don't."

Words to live by.

'Tis The Season

The tree is up...






Disney (at Christmas) has been done...




And I have attended my first LA Christmas party...



God bless you LA and your non fat soy based egg nog. I officially am in the spirit of Christmas now.