My New Addition

I have a new addiction. That addiction is the show True Blood. The reason being is that this show is Twilight for adults (with dirty, dirty sex). The one problem is I do not have HBO. Ergo, I had to watch a True Blood marathon while at home. With my mother. My mother who has one great skill in life which is this: walking into the room only when there is dirty, dirty sex on TV. 45 minutes of dialogue? The woman is no where to be found. The second someone drops their pants? Well hello mom, welcome to the party. Let's just say it gets a bit awkward.

We are a WASPy family who participate the all American tradition of believing no one in the family has sex or knows it exists. In fact I contend that my brother and I were either delivered by giant storks or my mom got pregnant from a toilet seat. This tradition of denial is hard to participate in when there is a naked blond dude having doggy style sex on the 42 inch plasma. Silence descends. Someone says 'oh my!' with a midwestern accent even though we are in Arizona. Then someone else reaches for the remote desperately hitting the last channel button, hoping against hope it will take us to a different channel where everyone is wearing pants. After a few minutes of watching (inevitable) the Food Network, my mom will shuffle out of the room and I will go back to my awesome prime time vampire porn. We will repeat this vicious cycle until the episode is over and I have only seen about 5 minutes. But those 5 minutes? Awesome. Because hello, it's graphic vampire porn with southern accents. And that is totally worth the fact that my mom and I can no longer maintain eye contact.