Thanks, LA

I quit my online dating account about two weeks ago. Before I did however, I struck up one last conversation with a dude. According to his pictures he was adorable and according to his emails funny and charming. Oh internet, ye giver of amazing deals on shoes and hours of amusement, why do you lie about dudes?

Our date was set for 7:30 on Saturday, per his request. I got to the bar a few minutes early as let's face it, I'm always early. I grabbed a glass of wine, made friends with some of the patrons and waited. And waited. Twenty minutes later the fabulous gay boy at the bar and I were discussing leaving to go dancing as clearly I'd been stood up. Five minutes later my phone rings, dude is stuck in traffic he says, be there in five. Sure. If by five you mean twenty, then five it is. He arrived and well... let's just say the effort he put into getting ready was about the same effort I put into going to the gym on a weekly basis, ergo, non existent. I mean, nothing says I care what you think about me like high tops, rolled jeans and a button down straining at the buttons. Also his picture was clearly taken five years ago or involved heavy amounts of photoshop.

He was unapologetic about arriving almost an hour late. He then went and got himself a glass of wine. After he returned to the table I got up and refilled my glass. He then kind of shrugged at me and then started talking about himself. Finally thirty minutes later I was able to break in and say that I had to leave to get to a party. I paid, left and went home to start my new hobby: xanax taking and collecting cat art.

And officially, I'm on a break from dating again.