Plane Drinkin'

On the way to Austin I had one of the bumpiest flights in the history of mankind. They didn't let the flight attendants get up, at all. No getting up = no booze for me = nervous talking to the dude beside me. We may now be BFF. Especially since at one point I grabbed his hand. Yeah. I did. Total stranger, held his hand.

Here's why: it felt like we were falling. You know, one of those lose 5 thousand feet suddenly kind of bumps? I hate that kinds and we had them a lot. Hate. Especially when the pilot comes on afterward and says 'that was a big one, I think we're going to slow the plane down so we don't feel them as much.'It was at this point that I turned to the man next to me and said ' Slow down? Is that safe? I don't think planes can hover, so if we die, hug me.' He agreed. We in fact did not die, and instead landed to much applause. The flight attendant came on and said 'well, at least we landed' and I ran straight to the airport bar and did I shot.

I then continued to drink for the next 30 hours as that is the Austin way. When I was finished drinking in Austin I got back on the plane to drink again. On this flight there were no bumps but I was however seated next to the most talkative woman in the history of the world. Texas fell asleep about 10 minutes into the flight so I was held captive in the middle seat. The conversation went like this:

Her: How long have you been together? Where did you meet? How soon did you say the big I love you?

Me: Um...hi... what's your name?

Her: Kim. So, do you think you guys will get engaged?

Me: I'm going to order a few beers.

It continued like this for 3 hours and 15 minutes. Three hours. Fifteen minutes. Of asking me where I see my relationship going. And then her telling me about other internet success stories and how soon they all got married. And then she told me about trying to get pregnant. Apparently for her friend it took awhile. I now know a lot about this woman's friend's vagina. Fun times, huh?

On that flight I had 5 beers. I figure that averages together with my beer-less flight there into a respectable 2.5 per flight. That's called 'new math'.