A Family Christmas

Every year my uncle comes over to help us decorate sugar cookies. Every year, without fail, he then eats the left over frosting while making what can only be dubbed as his O face. Internet, this is why I need therapy. This year however we got all fancy and used frosting in cake decorating bags. Ergo, instead of scooping the frosting out of the bowls with a spoon he had to squeeze the frosting from the bag. It's a super fun visual, isn't it?

So of course I took pictures of this moment in my life. You know, so that one day I can torture future generations with this knowledge ensuring that anyone from my blood line keeps therapists employed throughout the ages. My uncle posed for said pictures, piping bag posed over his open mouth, head thrown back in ecstasy.

We then had the following wonderful family moment.

Me: You look like you're fellating that bag.

Uncle: That's a fancy word.

Me: I learned it in college.

My mom who was standing at the sink, slams down her hands: I didn't need to know that!

Me (responding without thinking) : I meant the word, not the action. Please, I was really unattractive in college you know I didn't get any ass. I really learned it in my 20's

My mom and I stare at each other, blinking. You see, my mom and I can talk about most things (reality TV being the main staple of our relationship) but in her mind I am virginal and will remain so regardless of relationship/marriage/future offspring.

She then puts down the sponge she was using to clean dishes and went outside to smoke half a pack of cigarettes. Every so often she would look at me through the sliding glass door and shake her head. My uncle on the other hand high fived me.

Ah family moments to treasure forever.