Monday, April 19, 2010

Dating

So... dating can bite me. Seriously. Especially in Los Angeles.

There was the dude who thinks cake is the devil (whereas I consider it one of the 4 major food groups). He also is terrified of bar soap. Let that one sink in. He told me about this and internet, I literally laughed in his face. I am a FANTASTIC dater. I mean when a grown man tells you that he can't keep soap in his house or look at it in a bar without feeling queasy can you really keep a straight face? No. Especially if you're me.

Then there was the Viking. We had a 7 hour long date wherein we laughed, talked, made out like 13 year olds hopped up on hormones, fought, cried and made up. Yeah. I KNOW. We then had a second date which was drama free and fun, followed by more making out like teenagers. And then he poof disappeared. Despite all of the you're amazing talk and the tongues in mouths not our own. So today I have been pouty about it. As dammit, he's a Viking and I tend to date, well, pussies. The fact of the matter is I am tired of the boys and I was all excited to find a man. A man full of drama, yes, but a man none the less.

Internet dating isn't working like it used to for me. Perhaps it's because I've now dated all of the men in Los Angeles. Perhaps it's because I'm nearing 30 at light speed and am now outside of a large portion of male dating age ranges. Who knows. I do however know I am sick of dating guys that are crazy, lame, or go poof into the night. I'm ready for the universe to deliver the dude I'm meant to be with in a bow. A manly bow, but a bow none the less. Is this too much to ask? I don't think so. Also, while I'm asking I would like a million dollars and a unicorn. But mostly the dude. (and the money, let's face facts here). (oh and some cake because I have a cold) (and maybe the unicorn afterall).

My astrologist who I spend money talking to because I'm mature adult told me to put it out into the universe that I'm ready. So universe, listen up. I'm tired of the not right dudes. I'm ready for the right one. And if he's Viking hot, well, that's just all the better.

32 comments:

Chuck said...

You poor thing. You have THE worst luck with men.

I would have asked for a second date with soap guy and then show up with bars of soap carved into animals while wearing a bar of soap necklace. But, then again, I'm just classy like that.

You should pitch your dating scene to MTV and they could create a reality show out of it. Call it "I'm not 16 and pregnant or a Jersey Shore Whore but I'd like to meet a nice guy while entertaining people with the endless like of losers I seem to attract"

Maybe the title is wordy but we can work out the details later...

Chuck

Conrad said...

When you say viking, I picture the real ones on those Capital One commercials (yes I know they aren't REAL ones).

Todd said...

keep it up, love the dating blogs.
-Todd

Dating said...

I picture the real ones on those Capital One commercials.

Something She Dated said...

Wow! I know this is vaguely horrible to say but hearing about those dates made me feel a whole lot more optimistic about my own...I say only vaguely horrible because I'm sure if you read about mine they'll do the same for you...so it's like mutual-misery-relief

PS...I now want cake.

PPS...I plan to now refer to hot guys as "Viking Hot" that'll be like the top standard...you're not really hot unless you're Viking Hot!

theOtherStacy said...

I just stumbled across your blog and ended up reading all the way back to oh....December.
Hilarious and addictive indeed.

Anonymous said...

Go to Sweden, you will love the boys, err men.

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Wow you have been together for 7 hours. That's really great. And the most important thing you have enjoyed yourself. You made me remind my first date. It was really great and unforgettable.

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Louisa said...

I hate to tell you that it doesn't get better as you get older, but it does get funnier!
Good luck,
Louisa from divasdatinggeeks@blogsphere.com

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