Apparently I have a blog that I kinda sorta forgot about. Oops? What can I say, I drink a lot.
The last few weeks of my life, they have been busy. So let's recap, all brief like and then I'll go back to regular scheduled programming with updates about my daily shenanigans.
- I went to Vegas. While there I encountered my uncle's new girlfriend who I believe is a former stripper. While at a club she decided she wanted to get to know our family a bit better and reached into my shirt and squeezed a boob. It was at that moment that my brain melted and oozed out my ears in a never before seen fashion. Dudes. It was Awkward. Possibly The Awkward. I do not know you but I wish upon you, internet strangers, that you never ever ever have to go through that. Ever. To erase that memory I ran a stress test of my liver and found a pretty boy. I make fantastic adult choices.
- I went with Ava to go skydiving but could not skydive due to a back injury from the car accident. I did however indoor skydive. It was FANTASTIC. It's like being in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and soaring up to the ceiling. One of the ladies who did it however did not like the experience however and had a complete melt down in the chamber. Kicking, flipping around and screaming. Watching that really made the experience oh so much better. The comedy, it was high. I suggest you go do this immediately. I do not however suggest you get the photo package unless of course you like know what you look like with jowls. They are, hands down, the most horrible pictures of me ever taken. And that includes the one of me in a hammer pants suit with a perm. Yeah.
- Today I took a segway tour of Long Beach because apparently I'm not a big enough nerd in my day to day life. I fucking loved it. No joke. Oh how I wish I did not love segways, and yet, I do. In fact if asked if I wanted to buy a Vespa or a Segway at this moment I would say Segway. You can spin in place! As I'm essentially 4 years old I found that fantastic. I do not however suggest Segway'ing in the rain. It's cold. And wet. And if possible you look even less cool.
- I'm oddly addicted to The Twitter. I like to call it The Twitter to keep in line with what my mom calls it. But seriously, addicted. It's like 140 character crack. I'm sure I'll be over it in the coming weeks but right now, I can't get enough. So, while I have not been here, I have been updating my life on the interwebz on that forum.
- Internet dating. Yeah. Back out there. Went on a date with a dude who has not eaten a carb in 4 years for fear of gaining weight. FOUR. YEARS. I was tempted to ask if he had a vagina but somehow refrained. If that's what is available in LA well then, I'm going to go and get myself some more cats and a pile of dessert.
Ok kids, I'm spent. I'm off to San Francisco tomorrow for work. There will likely be few shenanigans but I can guarantee I will eat some bread in honor of LA.