Saturday, September 29, 2007

Tasty, Tasty Weekend

The boy was out of town last night so I decided to have a girl's night in. Meaning, I sat around in my pajamas, watched a Gilmore Girls marathon and read a book. The book I am reading is called Eat, Pray, Love and if you have a uterus you'll love it. The first portion of the book takes place in Italy which made me miss Rome something awful. I loved Rome. Living in Rome was the happiest I think I have ever been. I remember once crying when I walked through my neighborhood because I was just so damn happy. Yeah, I'm that girl.

Anyway, reading this book made me hungry. And damnit, if this chick can spend four months eating nothing but pizza, pasta and gelatto (I've been there sister, it was awesome) then I am entitled to make myself some Rice Krispie treats. And eat the whole pan. I only got through half the pan last night before I started to get the food sweats, but don't worry, I finished the rest for breakfast. Because A) I'm classy and B) Rice Krispies are totally a breakfast food.

Tomorrow I am headed to the LA County Fair with some friends. While there I plan on hitting the Tilt-A-Whirl like it's going out of style and consumming a large amount of fried dough products.

The diet is going REALLY well, why do you ask?

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Skill and Grace

Today I was wearing a new fancy shirt that had a tie in the back. It came a little loose so I went in the bathroom so I could look in the mirror while I retied it. When I finished tying the bow I turned to walk through the door. Only, it wasn't a door. It was a mirrored wall reflecting the door. I full on body slammed the mirror. It hurt.

Atfer I body checked the wall I immediately went 'Whoa...Whoopsie' because I am 87, and that's my vernacular. If that weren't bad enough people in the stalls started to giggle then full out laugh. You know when you are a winner when you are standing there, rubbing your forehead which has an awesome red mark, and people you don't know are laughing at you whilst they pee. I had to debate whether to make a run for it before they could find out who I was or to wipe off the nose print I had left on the mirror. I chose to make a break for it.

Today, before and after the mirror incident, my body hurts. I chose to do some yoga yesterday and popped in a new DVD. Apparently this DVD was yoga for sadists. Generally speaking yoga relaxes the muscles and helps stretch out the kinks. This did not. It was also bizarre as they wanted me to put my arms out and spin around in a circle for a few minutes. Not only did I stop doing that when I was around 8, but I don't like to do that in enclosed areas as well, I will break things. And, it was weird. The rest of it however was standard yoga just on crack. So, I can't really move. Or breathe normally. Or sit without pain.

All in all, an awesome day.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Damn You, Southern California!

All the weather stations in town have, for the last week, been screaming about rain. Rain! Friday! It's a comin' and build and ark. As I sit here on my couch I can tell you it's currently nothing but blue skies and it's pissing me off. I had many rainy day plans mostly revolving around sitting in my pajamas and watching old movies and sipping hot chocolate. Doing this while it's gorgeous outside makes me feel lazy rather than all cozy. This isn't stopping me from doing it however. But still, is it too much to ask for one day of fall like weather? Come on LA, you have it in you, I know.

Side note: went to see The Arcade Fire in concert last night. If you ever get a chance, GO, run towards the concert venue. They are effing amazing in concert. Also good: LCD Sound System, they are quite choice. Even better if you are seated in a the row in front of a dude who before the concert started tried to convince his date that LCD Sound System was not a band, but rather just a line in the program referring the sound system the bands would be using. When the band did come on he proceeded to pout. It made me giggle.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


Can kiss my ass.

I am trying to remain zen and calm, it's not working. Ok, so in short here's the deal: I hate corporate America. Especially the insurance industry. I am changing jobs (surprise) and as such my insurance is ending. I have a day off before I start said new job and I had scheduled TONS of very necessary doctors appointments. As I was under the impression my insurance would continue until the end of the work week per the employee handbook. Apparently, this was an old edition. My insurance? Ends tonight at midnight. So the appointments I had to make weeks and months in advance I had to cancel. Why?

Well...I'll tell you. Because I haven't OFFICIALLY paid for my Cobra insurance yet, even though by law it's active as of midnight tonight, I can't use this insurance at the doctor's tomorrow. Ergo, I would have to pay in full for some very pricey, and needed, blood tests. Then I would have to take the bill that I have already paid and try and get it back from the Cobra insurance company, once I have paid them my $700 per month fee. The doctor's appointment alone is about $300 and the tests are estimated to be within $1000 to $3000 dollars. thanks?

So I spent today cancelling my appointments and then promptly bursting into tears. Because I am a big ol' girl and am irritated. Not only because I can not do the tests for awhile, but also because I had decided after talking with my mom about the importance of said tests and at her urging, to not go visit my grandpa this weekend for his 85th birthday and instead go to the doctors. So now my family is flying to see him, and I will sit in my apartment. On the plus side, I will more than likely be very very drunk.

In short I leave you with this: I really really really fucking hate big business and the lack of universal health care. (and I like wine)

Friday, September 14, 2007

40 More things

Hot damn these are hard. Here's 40 more....10 more to go. Later. Maybe. Probably.

51) I am incredibly emotional. I cry often, especially if fighting with someone.
52) I used to receive validation from this blog, which was nice. Then it got bad. Then I came back. It makes me oddly sad that I don't get comments on my posts. And that makes me feel stupid, which is awesome.
53) I saw the movie Dirty Dancing in the theatre 73 times...with my mom. We memorized it and bought the VHS as soon as it came out, it cost 80 dollars.
54) When learning to ride a bike my cousins told me the best way to learn was by going down a big hill. I lost control, went about mach 10, and crashed through a picket fence and landed in a rose bush.
55) I can do odd tricks with my toes. This is because I have broken 5 of them and they didn't heal properly.
56) I can cross one eye and leave the other straight.
57) I blow my nose really loudly. Think old man trucker loud. It's because I'm classy.
58) In 4th grade I was bored in class so I faked having bronchitis for 3 weeks. (I do a really good impression of the cough) My mom came home to check on me one day and found me playing in the living room and sent me back to school.
59) By 'playing in the living room' I mean taking a roll of contact paper meant for the cabinets and cutting it into thin strips then creating a spider web across the entire living room. My mom was too entertained to punish me.
60) I was given a stuffed rabbit for Easter when I was 5, I still sleep with it when I'm alone. His name is Fluffy.
61) I was once told I can not call myself a geek because I don't like sci fi. I think that's wrong.
62) I have worked with and for two Ghost Busters.
63) When bored I pluck my eyebrows, and the eyebrows of those around me.
64) My senior year of high school I stepped on a scorpion, barefoot. My mom didn't believe me as I had a tendency to make up excuses to skip school. My foot was numb until 6th period.
65) 6th period I was a TA for Honors History. The teacher loved me so mostly I napped in the back or took a long lunch.
66) I am nearly always cold. So much so that I keep a blanket under my desk at work. When I am warm, I'm miserable.
67) Since moving to LA I am tan for the first time in my life. My version of 'tan' is most people's version of 'normal flesh tone'
68) I hate summer, which is fun, being as I live southern California.
69) I played softball for years, I was the catcher. I stopped at 14 after I blew out my knee the first time.
70) I take really horrible ID photos. Beyond normal. I sneezed in my college freshman ID photo and they made me keep that shot.
71) I crack my bones often, and usually without intending to do so. My neck and shoulders crack on their own when stretching or just taking a deep breath.
72) I went to Australia in October. While there a kangaroo jumped in front of our car while we were parked looking at stars.
73) I have swum in the Pacific, Atlantic and Indian oceans and lived in Italy for a year, but I have never been to Canada or
74) I have only seen Star Wars once, I was 5.
75) When I was 17 I wrote and directed a play for the Make a Wish foundation, based on the death of my best friend. We raised over 7 thousand dollars. The theatre manager 'misplaced' 3000 of that amount.
76) I wear flip flops roughly 10 months a year. This is the biggest benefit of living in LA.
77) I once worked with a cast member from Dirty Dancing. As my wrap gift he gave me a signed headshot that says 'Nobody puts Meghan in the corner''s the coolest thing I own.
78) I don't drink coffee or tea.
79) I don't eat potatoes in any form other than french fries, and they have to thin.
80) I am most comfortable on or in the water.
81) I am obsessed with storms and if I had balls, would be a professional storm chasher.
82) The one thing I hate about LA (besides traffic and a lot of the people) is the lack of weather and rain.
83) I was best described wih the sentence 'Jack of all trades, master of none'
84) I once spent 12 hours waiting for a delayed flight to a place that was exactly a 12 hour drive away.
85) When bored I plan extensive road trips. I have yet to take one of the trips. Next fall, come hell or highwater, I am taking one.
86) I am the worst loser of all times, especially at board games.
87) When I was younger I was an excellent tennis player. I want to relearn the game.
88) I have always felt slightly on the outside of things, never quite fitting.
89) Once in Paris at age 17 I tripped, skidded, and landed in a group of tourists. They took pictures. Someone in Germany has a very odd picture of me.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Things About Me

As blogging is in and of itself a narcassistic outlet, I figured to up that. Also, I am bored. Ergo my list of 100 things about me... (or as far as I get before I get distracted by something shiny).

1) I am allergic to tomatoes.
2) I don't eat anything from the sea.
3) Or any condiments. None. Including salad dressing.
4) If I ever get engaged I don't want a diamond ring, I think they are impractical and the diamond industry is evil.
5) I have been in love twice.
6) I am slightly obsessive compulsive.
7) I make lists and schedules for everything, including my life.
8) My goal for this year is to no longer make lists for my life and stop putting timelines on myself.
9) I have dislocated my kneecap 6 seperate times. It hurts equally each time.
10) My copy of '1000 Places to See Before You Die' is my most used book. It contains post its for where I want to go, and check marks for where I've been.
11) I believe Diet Sprite is a cure all for all diseases.
12) I fully believe in astrology. My grandma was an astrologist and did a reading for me at least once a month my entire life.
13) I am a double gemini with aries rising, ergo I like to talk and have a temper.
14) I am at all times in the middle of reading a book, usually more than one.
15) I am currently trying to work my way through the Time Magazines top 100 books of all times, some of them are very, very boring.
16) I started reading when I was 3.
17) I was a late, late bloomer and had only kissed 3 boys at the age of 21.
18) I applied to only one college, thinking I wouldn't get in and would just bum around Europe for a year. I got in and went.
19) In high school I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect I ended up with health problems that affect me to this day.
20) I have since given up the notion of being perfect.
21) In college I discovered drugs and alcohol. I liked it too much, so I stopped. When I was 23.
22) I have danced on bars in 3 countries.
23) I am incredibly critical of everybody (especially myself), it's something I am trying to work on.
24) My mom is the cleanest/tidiest person of all time. The only way I have ever rebelled (that she knows of) is by being messy.
25) As I am getting older my hair is getting darker, it used to be BLONDE and is now a dark blonde/light brown. This pisses me off.
26) I used to write fiction all the time but have had writer's block for over three years.
27) I don't really like what I do for a living, but I am really, really good at it.
28) I am completely tone deaf.
29) I sing loudly along with the radio when on car trips, I am sure this is annoying but I can't help myself.
30) When I was 12 I decided to pierce my own belly button with a safety pin. The ring ripped out at a swim party and now I have a nasty scar.
31) I was once very overweight, as such it's affected the way I view myself. I call this 'Fat Girl Hangover'
32) I have a mole on my face that I hate.
33) I am partially deaf in my left ear which was caused when my ear drum ruptured mid flight when I was 8.
34) I was in a near plane crash at the age of 20. The engines went on the plane and kicked back in just in time.
35) I am really scared of flying now.
36) I was .25 miles away from the towers when they fell.
37) I miss living in New York but I don't think I am ready to move back yet, if ever.
38) I secretly really like LA.
39) My eyes change colors, they are either blue or dark green.
40) I have a tattoo on the small of my back, aka a tramp stamp. I got it when I was 18.
41) I have been in 1 car accident. My car was hit by a cab trying to pick up a customer on 57th and Lex.
42) I talk to my mom every day on my way home from work.
43) I once stayed up until 4AM to watch a water polo match featuring Croatia.
44) I have a girl crush on Amy Sedaris.
45) I can't roll my R's, neither can my mom or brother, damn recessive genes.
46) I can't roll my tongue either.
47) When I was 3 I told my grandma that she and I had been sisters in Russia and told her how we died, she told this story to everyone and sometimes when I would leave her house she'd squeeze my arm and ask me if I remembered more. I didn't.
48) I have a scar on my left knee from when I fell of my bike and skided down the road on just my knee. I was 11.
49) I have always been a klutz.
50) Until college I had to sleep with the closet closed or I couldn't sleep. This was secretly because I had decided at age 7 that Freddy Krueger lived in my closet.

Enough for now, maybe more later.

Monday, September 10, 2007


That's me. I am a pure ball of stress. It's super awesome to be me and especially to be around me. I mostly want to crawl under the covers and emerge a few days later to find everything done, neatly and perfectly, and also some fresh baked cookies. I figure if you're dreaming you may as well dream big.

Due to the stress I am also sick again. Gasp! Shock! Dismay! I know, you are thinking to yourself, 'surely, you the healthiest person ever, can't be sick!' but alas, I have a cold. sniffle. It's brought on solely by lack of sleep, tension that could kill an ox, and the fact I am delicate like a flower. I am trying to get it all figured out, as I have a mild chronic health condition that leads to a slightly weakened immune system, and the medication I am on is supposed to help that. Ergo, I have to go to the doctor and angrily shake my pills while saying 'these little 'uns aren't a'workin' and also demanding Xanax because well, I enjoy it.

On the plus side, I now have water again. It was turned back on Friday afternoon and I was able to shower and then sadly, go to work. But, on the plus side I was able to have my party on Saturday and didn't have to force my guests to use the litter box. At the party I also had a s'mores station, and well, that plus running water equals heaven on earth. Now if I could just relax and eat said s'mores while someone else figures out my life (and goes to the gym for me) all would be right with the world. Fingers crossed.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Thing That is Awesome

This morning I woke up and got in the shower. And stood there. And stood there. And then realized...there was no water. After a quick search it became obvious the water in the apartment was off. I woke the boy up and made some hand gestures and gutteral noises to alert him to the issue (I'm a gem in the morning) and he called the water company. It was after this we found our neighbor who told us the water in the building was off until further notice because her closet was flooded the night before due to a leak in the upstairs neighbors bathroom. It should be fixed 'sometime today', which I realize means 'next Tuesday, if you're lucky'. So that's fun. Especially as well, I am supposed to be at work and also, having a party tomorrow. Perhaps I'll just ask everyone to wear Depends?

I feel I am responding to the situation accurately: I am sitting in my robe eating Nilla Wafers. I am also 'working for home', i.e. watching the Today Show and glancing at my Blackberry. I'm nothin' if I'm not responsible and classy.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Heat Wave

Mmm...melty. When one is living in Southern California during a heat wave, where should one go for a long weekend? Why, Arizona of course! In Arizona, where it's 110 in the shade, they tend to have central air. And pools. And pool side service wherein they bring you alcohol whilst you recover from your swim. I think I should have pool side service at all times in my life. Especially now when I am home and warm and craving something from the margarita family.

The weekend was great though. I had a massage and attempted to steal the masseuse and put her in my carry on. I also rediscovered the joys of room service. If I were to ever strike it rich or win the lottery I would so live in a hotel a la Dylan McKay (without the denim overalls though). To me there is nothing better in this world than eating breakfast in bed while wearing a hotel provided robe. It's heaven on earth. Especially if the room service man also brings mimosas.

Now I am back. Its 96 and I have a sun burn. I am ass white so as I spent more than 2 minutes in the sun, with SPF 45 on, I burst into flames. And there is no pool side service OR pool. I want to go back on vacation. Or to win the lottery.