Monday, April 02, 2007

Total Chicken

I believe by now we have previously established that I am the world's biggest chicken shit. Seriously, if they were to measure it somehow scientifically I would measure off the charts. Why do I bring this up now? Because presently there are a lot of horror movies and they insist, INSIST, that the previews are shown at 11PM during my favorite sit com reruns. Why? Dear God, why? Is this solely to taunt in my chickendome? Is it to give me nightmares that Hilary Swank is going to come exorcise some biblical demon out of my apartment along side hills that somehow have eyes? Because that's what happens. When and if I am able to fall asleep it invades my dreams. And not in a normal way.

Case in point, 1997. I decided that I should, for some unknown reason, read the Exorcist. If you have seen the movie, imagine the same thing yet some how even more scary. I finished the book in 2 days the last night staying up until 4 AM to finish it. When I was done my heart was racing, my brow damp with sweat, and the knowledge that I was somehow going to be possessed by the devil. The logical thing was to take my mind off the fear. So I put in the most inocuous movie I owned, Saturday Night Fever. Inocuous except in my twisted little brain. Shortly after John Travolta's friend fell off the bridge I drifted off to sleep. It was there that the book combined with film to create a highly disturbing dream: that I was possessed by the spirit of John Travolta. All I remember was that I was forced to do the hustle for hours on end while wearing a white suit and woke up doing the point. It was at that point I stopped reading scary books.

This story truly dates back to my childhood. My grandma was something of a liberal caregiver. As such she let me watch The Exorist when I was 5. I think I stayed up for a week thereafter, I was the only kid in kindergarten with circles under her eyes. Not a pretty site. Her name was Reagan my name is Meghan, in my childhood brain it seemed logical that I was next.

And now that damn Hilary Swank commercial is on again. I am never falling asleep.


Lady Player said...

Sister, I feel your pain.

Let us discuss less scary things-- like the girls on The Bachelor.

Well, maybe they are more scary.

Review Girl said...

Haha ... awesome. I must say that when you jumped on my lap during The Signs (come on, Meghan! Not even scary!), I nearly lost my shit trying not to laugh.

Anonymous said...

hey this is really random but im the person who said you get sick more then anyone i "know" and while I am not sick I have the worst allergies. like the worst ever. and me and my friends were talking about if people get them in california and was wondering what you think

Betty said...

I watched the exorcist when I was 3, then my mother went into labor during it, hence how my sister, reagan was named. She lived up to the hype and then some- a bit of a psycho when we were growing up.