So, when I'm stressed out I tend to agree to do really stupid things. Like fling my body out of a perfectly working plane. You see Ava is having a birthday soon and to celebrate the bursting out of the womb that she did years ago she has decided that skydiving is the only appropriate thing to do.
Internet, my friends are insane.
However, they are not more insane than me as I have agreed to go with her. This is stupid for oh so many reasons. The first and really only reason being the fact I am a giant chicken. I am afraid of the following things: heights, planes, death and snakes. A LOT OF THOSE I WILL HAVE TO FACE WHEN FLINGING MY BODY OUT OF A PLANE. The only way I would willingly do that on my own is if there was in fact a snake on that motherfucking plane. But, I doubt there will be. Instead, it will be me and another scared blonde who is equally afraid of heights. We may have some kind of mental illness, I'm aware of this.
However in about 3 or 4 weeks I will strap myself to another human and be airborne. I will also weep and wear Depends. Seriously. I figure I probably shouldn't urinate on the person holding the parachute. I call this my master plan. Swift, huh? I will also unleah a stream of expletives that would make your momma's hair turn white. I'm already planning ahead you see and working on some alliterative patterns. I figure I should be creative with it.
So, yeah. If in a few weeks you see a girl strapped to a parachute, shaking and clutching a bottle of Jack, I suggest steering clear. Unless of course you want to hear an 18 word sentence made up of variations of the word fuck. Then by all means, say hello.