Sunday, February 28, 2010

Tips For A Move

1) When your two male movers lift up a large chair and reveal hordes and hordes of unused tampons that your cats have apparently stolen and then rolled away, DO NOT shrug, say 'woo, cats, huh?' and then go in for a high five. Shit gets awkward.

2) If you bruise like a peach load up on iron beforehand. If not you will be so covered in bruises that your pedicurist, days later, will look up at you with sad eyes and ask if you have a boyfriend, and if so, if things are ok at home.

3) Do not buy under the bed storage containers before measuring the height of said bed. If you do this, do not, I repeat do not attempt to lift the bed by yourself to just shove them under. If you insist on doing this, watch your head.

4) Have lots of pain killers handy.

5) Have lots of alcohol handy.

6) If your cats are freaked out by their sudden change in location, do not soothe them for a minute, then decide to be productive and turn on the power drill.

7) Pack something that can conveniently and efficiently remove cat urine.

8) Do not go into new building elevator looking like a homeless person and smelling of garlic. This is when you will run into attractive next door neighbor, Antonio, with the sexy accent.

9) Do not schedule a bikini wax and dental surgery during the move time frame. Yeah.

10) Unpack painkillers, wash down with alcohol.

8 comments:

Loverville said...

Hilarious! I guess another thing NOT to say re: #1 would be: "that sucks -- Tampax are kinda pricey!"

Chuck said...

LOL. You poor thing. I would think with the number of times you've moved, you would have it down pat by now...

Pain killers + Alcohol FTW.

Chuck

Sera said...

Haha ... great post, lady. Hope that you are settling into your new place! I anxiously await pictures so that I can gush multiple shades of NY-jealousy all over you!

Jessica said...

Thank god I found your blog and read your post! I'm moving on Saturday...thanks for the tips.

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