Every morning, regardless of time I go to sleep or need to get up, I wake up at 6. Every fucking day. Sunday? Up at 6. This morning? Up at 6. I even took an ambien last night in hopes I would sleep past dawn. Didn't happen.
I am officially my grandpa.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
I Would Like Another Weekend, Please
This morning I was sitting on the couch and beginning my glorious day of doing nothing. One of the cats jumped up and we were cuddling when suddenly I noticed he had a bug on his head. Wait...two. Wait. MOTHERFUCKER HE HAS FLEAS. I immediately did the heebie jeebie dance and then began to deconstruct my entire apartment brick by brick.
I have washed everything not nailed down, steam cleaned the carpets and furniture (including the mattress), washed the cats (twice) and then sprayed. And yet? I feel like I could be doing more. Like tracking down the source of the fleas and punching them in the face repeatedly and then making them go to work for me tomorrow so I can finally relax. I honestly have no idea how they got fleas. They are indoor cats soley, I vaccuum obsessively as I am obsessed with my vaccuum and well, I have no third option. Basically, I am mind boggled, and totally 100% skeeved out.
So that was my day. And yesterday I bought a car. Whee. Because that experience is often totally fun, not at all time consumming and just a pleasure all around. We shopped from 9AM until 7PM. I finally returned to the first place we went and bought the first car I had seen. I'm a gem. And the proud owner of a car that doesn't get roughly 2 miles to a gallon like the old SUV.
Excuse me, I have to go get everything I own out of the dryer. Including my drapes.
I have washed everything not nailed down, steam cleaned the carpets and furniture (including the mattress), washed the cats (twice) and then sprayed. And yet? I feel like I could be doing more. Like tracking down the source of the fleas and punching them in the face repeatedly and then making them go to work for me tomorrow so I can finally relax. I honestly have no idea how they got fleas. They are indoor cats soley, I vaccuum obsessively as I am obsessed with my vaccuum and well, I have no third option. Basically, I am mind boggled, and totally 100% skeeved out.
So that was my day. And yesterday I bought a car. Whee. Because that experience is often totally fun, not at all time consumming and just a pleasure all around. We shopped from 9AM until 7PM. I finally returned to the first place we went and bought the first car I had seen. I'm a gem. And the proud owner of a car that doesn't get roughly 2 miles to a gallon like the old SUV.
Excuse me, I have to go get everything I own out of the dryer. Including my drapes.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Ouch
I just put an apple pie in the oven. When making said pie I accidentally zested my finger. It hurt. I would recommend not doing this, especially if you don't at first realize that you broke the skin and the squeeze juice from a lemon, and said juice gets into the cut. Damn you lemons! This better be one kick ass pie.
Oh and does anyone find it odd that I am making a pie while watching The Biggest Loser? No? Just me? Fantastic.
Carry on.
Oh and does anyone find it odd that I am making a pie while watching The Biggest Loser? No? Just me? Fantastic.
Carry on.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Apple Picking
Yesterday I went apple picking. When I told people I was going their first response was 'What, in California?' My response was yes, apparently they do that here as well. And while it wasn't the same as upstate New York, it was awesome. Especially since the apple farm was in CA, they made it into Apple Picker's Disneyland.
See in NY, and I'm assuming most eastern states, you go to an orchard, you buy a basket, put apples in it and go home. Here? There were colonial costumes, roping contests, hay rides and just a general sense of production. Adding to this was the fact that it was insanely crowded with people hoping for a day of normalcy and country (yours truly included), but these assholes apparently didn't know orchards have dirt. My favorite was the chick in a full pants suit with a look of disgust as she clutched her apple basket and tried not to get her loafers dirty. My second favorite? The girl in 4 inch heels trying oh so hard to stay upright and not go ass over head down a hill. It brought joy to my black heart.
I was going to include pictures but Blogger hates my mac with a fiery burning passion, ergo, I will have to add them later when I can commandeer a PC. Rock. Feel free to wait with baited breath.
See in NY, and I'm assuming most eastern states, you go to an orchard, you buy a basket, put apples in it and go home. Here? There were colonial costumes, roping contests, hay rides and just a general sense of production. Adding to this was the fact that it was insanely crowded with people hoping for a day of normalcy and country (yours truly included), but these assholes apparently didn't know orchards have dirt. My favorite was the chick in a full pants suit with a look of disgust as she clutched her apple basket and tried not to get her loafers dirty. My second favorite? The girl in 4 inch heels trying oh so hard to stay upright and not go ass over head down a hill. It brought joy to my black heart.
I was going to include pictures but Blogger hates my mac with a fiery burning passion, ergo, I will have to add them later when I can commandeer a PC. Rock. Feel free to wait with baited breath.
Friday, October 05, 2007
What I Do With My Time
A conversation I had today via email with a friend:
Her: What r your feelings on Dane Cook?
Me: I go back and forth on him. Sometimes I think he's funny but most of the time I want to punch him in the face. He's hot though in a 'he's totally gonna give me a VD' way.
Her: HAHAHAHA. Herpes? Or maybe something ickier?... But is anything really as icky as Herpes?
Me: I wouldn't narrow it down to just one VD to be honest. He's probably got a series, so it's all itchin' and burnin' all the time.
Her: Who did he date? I dont remember.... Wasnt he linked to someone?
Me: Jessica Simpson
Her: Oh right! ... Well, she's a dirty, stupid ho so it would not surprise me if she gave him the clap. OR, better yet, he gave HER something and she was all "what's that pretty red tint in my cooch?" (I'm gross.)
Me: I am a font of celebrity knowledge, it's sick really... I'm sure they traded off VDs as she's also bumped uglies with Johnny Knoxville, who is in the dictionary under 'infectious genital ailments'
Her: I read that whilst I sipped my Dr. Pepper and proceeded to snort it up my nose when I began to laugh.
Me: Oops? That's gotta burn. Much like the privates of one Johnny Knoxville. See what I did there? I brought it full circle. It's called comedy.
Her: What r your feelings on Dane Cook?
Me: I go back and forth on him. Sometimes I think he's funny but most of the time I want to punch him in the face. He's hot though in a 'he's totally gonna give me a VD' way.
Her: HAHAHAHA. Herpes? Or maybe something ickier?... But is anything really as icky as Herpes?
Me: I wouldn't narrow it down to just one VD to be honest. He's probably got a series, so it's all itchin' and burnin' all the time.
Her: Who did he date? I dont remember.... Wasnt he linked to someone?
Me: Jessica Simpson
Her: Oh right! ... Well, she's a dirty, stupid ho so it would not surprise me if she gave him the clap. OR, better yet, he gave HER something and she was all "what's that pretty red tint in my cooch?" (I'm gross.)
Me: I am a font of celebrity knowledge, it's sick really... I'm sure they traded off VDs as she's also bumped uglies with Johnny Knoxville, who is in the dictionary under 'infectious genital ailments'
Her: I read that whilst I sipped my Dr. Pepper and proceeded to snort it up my nose when I began to laugh.
Me: Oops? That's gotta burn. Much like the privates of one Johnny Knoxville. See what I did there? I brought it full circle. It's called comedy.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Ok...1 more thing
Apparently I duplicated one of my 100 things, so here's a new #94:
94) I eat candy bars very oddly. I peel off all the chocolate with my teeth and then eat the inside. York Peppermint Patties taste the best when eaten this way. Oh and went eating a Certs I eat the white outer circle first then the small inner circle of breath minty goodness. I don't eat candy often, and never in public. People stare...learned that one the hard way.
I was going to do a little photo exhibit of the Peppermint Patty in stages but A) I left it at work and B) The camera is like way over there and it would require getting off the couch.
94) I eat candy bars very oddly. I peel off all the chocolate with my teeth and then eat the inside. York Peppermint Patties taste the best when eaten this way. Oh and went eating a Certs I eat the white outer circle first then the small inner circle of breath minty goodness. I don't eat candy often, and never in public. People stare...learned that one the hard way.
I was going to do a little photo exhibit of the Peppermint Patty in stages but A) I left it at work and B) The camera is like way over there and it would require getting off the couch.
Monday, October 01, 2007
The Final 10 Things
Alright, let's finish this bastard of a list up:
91) I'm afraid of the dark. Seriously. When alone I have to at least fall asleep with the TV on because if it's totally dark I panic.
92) I've seen a ghost. I was 8 and falling asleep in bed. I looked in the hallway and there was an old woman I had never seen staring at me. She waved and I waved back, then the phone rang and she dissappeared. The phone was ringing to tell us that my great grandma had passed away about an hour before. When I was showed a picture of my great grandma it was the woman from the hallway.
93) I was raised by a very practical woman. This practical and structured upbringing fights with my flighty nature. Without this upbringing I would currently, more than likely, be in Thailand teaching yoga or on a ranch with 100 pets. It's a constant struggle to find a balance between the two. I haven't yet.
94) I'm a horrible loser. I get pissed, I pout and swear that the other person cheated. This is why the game Monopoly has been banned from my house.
95) I can curse, fluently, in Italian and French. The rest of those two languages are gone from memory.
96) I curse way too much, especially when nervous. I am trying to curb this but it's a really hard habit to break.
97) I am half Polish, half German with a teeny pinch of Irish. Ergo, I am pale.
98) My brother and I look alike. This is weird because neither of us look like our mother and we have different fathers.
99) I am a big chicken, which is has been well covered. But, I used to be a big Buffy fan (geek flag, it's a'wavin') and it scared the crap out of me. I also love to read older horror novels like Dracula and Frankenstein.
100) Small teeth creep me out. Crooked, discolored, etc I am fine with. But small? They give me the wiggins.
91) I'm afraid of the dark. Seriously. When alone I have to at least fall asleep with the TV on because if it's totally dark I panic.
92) I've seen a ghost. I was 8 and falling asleep in bed. I looked in the hallway and there was an old woman I had never seen staring at me. She waved and I waved back, then the phone rang and she dissappeared. The phone was ringing to tell us that my great grandma had passed away about an hour before. When I was showed a picture of my great grandma it was the woman from the hallway.
93) I was raised by a very practical woman. This practical and structured upbringing fights with my flighty nature. Without this upbringing I would currently, more than likely, be in Thailand teaching yoga or on a ranch with 100 pets. It's a constant struggle to find a balance between the two. I haven't yet.
94) I'm a horrible loser. I get pissed, I pout and swear that the other person cheated. This is why the game Monopoly has been banned from my house.
95) I can curse, fluently, in Italian and French. The rest of those two languages are gone from memory.
96) I curse way too much, especially when nervous. I am trying to curb this but it's a really hard habit to break.
97) I am half Polish, half German with a teeny pinch of Irish. Ergo, I am pale.
98) My brother and I look alike. This is weird because neither of us look like our mother and we have different fathers.
99) I am a big chicken, which is has been well covered. But, I used to be a big Buffy fan (geek flag, it's a'wavin') and it scared the crap out of me. I also love to read older horror novels like Dracula and Frankenstein.
100) Small teeth creep me out. Crooked, discolored, etc I am fine with. But small? They give me the wiggins.
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