A conversation I had today via email with a friend:
Her: What r your feelings on Dane Cook?
Me: I go back and forth on him. Sometimes I think he's funny but most of the time I want to punch him in the face. He's hot though in a 'he's totally gonna give me a VD' way.
Her: HAHAHAHA. Herpes? Or maybe something ickier?... But is anything really as icky as Herpes?
Me: I wouldn't narrow it down to just one VD to be honest. He's probably got a series, so it's all itchin' and burnin' all the time.
Her: Who did he date? I dont remember.... Wasnt he linked to someone?
Me: Jessica Simpson
Her: Oh right! ... Well, she's a dirty, stupid ho so it would not surprise me if she gave him the clap. OR, better yet, he gave HER something and she was all "what's that pretty red tint in my cooch?" (I'm gross.)
Me: I am a font of celebrity knowledge, it's sick really... I'm sure they traded off VDs as she's also bumped uglies with Johnny Knoxville, who is in the dictionary under 'infectious genital ailments'
Her: I read that whilst I sipped my Dr. Pepper and proceeded to snort it up my nose when I began to laugh.
Me: Oops? That's gotta burn. Much like the privates of one Johnny Knoxville. See what I did there? I brought it full circle. It's called comedy.