Tuesday, April 21, 2009

An Open Letter

Dear LA,

What the fuck? No, seriously. What. The. Fuck. It's April. APRIL. Wherein it's supposed to rain to bring of the May flowers. It is not supposed to be the month where the whole state is relocated to the surface of the sun. You see not only is it uncomfortable and oh so fucking warm, but it brings out the crazies in large, large numbers.

It seems that the heat has caused people to lose what precious brain cells they have. Driving on a road and need to make a left hand turn? Why don't you go ahead and do that from the far right hand lane. Waiting behind me while I attempt to make a (legal) right hand turn but can't do so because there is a woman in a wheelchair crossing the intersection? Well, of course the logical response is to honk for 30 seconds straight then get out of your car ON WILSHIRE IN RUSH HOUR so I can see you more clearly while you are flipping me off. (Yes. That totally happened) Warm? Of course you are. Here, put on these 'shorts' which are 2 inches long and this GIANT PAIR OF UGGS as I assume you suffer from a common affliction in LA which we call 'warm body, feet of ice'.

LA, I could go on, but I can't because in doing so I inch ever so slightly closer to peeling off my skin and running through the streets. Also, it's crazy fucking warm at 9:30AM and typing is causing me to break into a sweat. So, listen Crazy Town, get your shit together or I swear to God I am headed to Alaska where I will stand in the woods and scream for 2 months and then hibernate.

You get no hugs or kisses until you chill out, then we'll discuss,

1 comment:

gamerbri said...

wow and here I thought it was only Orange County that had those drivers out yesterday. oh the joy