I love my friends. I do. This? This will prove it.
I am getting on a teeny tiny wee smidgen of a little plane to go see two of them get married. Yeah. Wanna see how big?
I swear to God that is actual size. There are 26 seats. I can fit more people in my living room. AND MY LIVING ROOM DOESN'T FLY THROUGH THE AIR.
So needless to say, John, I apologize, but I may show up drunk to your wedding. You see, the sheer amount of booze and Xanax that will make it possible for me to get on said teeny, tiny, wee, little plane will take roughly 2 to 4 weeks to burn off. Ergo, I will be ever so slightly out of it at the wedding and for the entire month of May/June. In fact, I may start drinking now in preparation. Seriously. The idea of getting on said midget plane makes me want to vomit and then run around in small circles screaming. And I still have a month to go. Fun times for me and my loved ones. Well, specifically Texas as he will be seated next to me and may need to get his arm replaced after I claw it off mid flight in a drunken panic.
Am I an awesome girlfriend or what?