Monday, May 14, 2007


Saturday I went to Disneyland. Dear sweet merciful Christ, there are a lot of really annoying teenagers in the world. And apparently they all travel in packs.

In line for Splash Mountain there was a kid who looked like the creepy guy from the movie The 'Burbs. You know the one, in leiderhosen. He had really long toenails sticking out of his flip flops and basketbal shorts that he kept pulling up to do an Urkel impression. I wanted to pull him aside and have a talk. The first point would have been the hair and how washing it say, at least once a week, would be good. The second and final point would be how his schtick which he thought was charming and attractive to the ladies was neither. And if he accidentally elbowed me again whilst flapping his arms in a bird impression he was going to get throat punched.

For awhile I was terrified that that was how I acted as a teen. I was afterall in the drama club. Not only that I was in the Thespian Society, the geekiest of the geeks. I thought in horror 'dear God, this is why we got made fun of, no wonder we were all virgins!' Then I realized, no, not even I, Queen of the Geeks, acted like this. I think it's because I wasn't just a geek I was a smart geek. These kids were obviously mildly retarded. Sure back in the day we were annoying but I like to think it was at a much softer decibel. And without that much arm movement. I also have always been somewhat judgemental, ahem, so I mostly stood back and rolled my eyes at the buffoons doing odd things. I got to relive that moment in line.

Enough about the downfall of American youth and let's talk about how I am a chicken. We've previously established this, blah blah blah. But it doesn't just pertain to scary movies, it also goes towards rollercoasters and heights. Oh and flying. And snakes. But I digress...I had never been on Splash Mountain due to this fear but this time I figured hey, I'm taller and older I can do it. As we approached the 'big drop' I turned to the boy and warned him I was going to scream like a 14 year old girl. And I did. Very loudly and for a very long time. The best part however is the fact that they take a picture of this moment for a special keepsake. After seeing the shot I had to buy it as not only is my face etched with fear, my mouth wide open in a scream and my hands clutching the seat but for the guy who sat in front of me. He was about 50 or so with his son. In the picture he looks as though he's doing his taxes. Seriously. He is calm and bored and staring directly into the camera. This to me was worth 12.95.

The rest of my time at Disney was spent running around like a cracked out 3 year old, eating a cookier larger than my head and trying to convince the boy we needed matching mouse ears. I so can't wait to go back. In faact, I will for my birthday in approximately 3 weeks. I figure there is no better way to ring in 27 then spinning around in a teacup like an idiot while simultaneously clutching a corn dog and a churro.


Lady Player said...

What a coincidence. I will only do my taxes in the dark. On a rollercoaster. At Disneyland.

Anonymous said...

You should post the picture of the can just crop yourself out if you don't want to loose you anonymity...I wanna see his taxes face! I bet it was really just his "poker" face he was really screaming on the inside.

gamerbri said...

LOL as someone who has to pass by disneyland everyday on my way to and from work I have to tell you. The kids you met are all over that area. And I have to not all of them are from out of town. Wow that is one thing that oc does have a lot of weird people.