Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Stay Classy, Los Angeles

There is this girl in my office. I don't know her name or what department she's in. I do know, however, she is my least favorite person in the world.

Let's begin with the fact I have never spoken to her. I walk past her roughly 4 or 5 times a day as I run back and forth to my boss' office. Each time I walk past she glares at me. Not looks, not glances, but full on glares. After 5 months of this happening I now make it a point to beam at her, full teeth smile. I am working my way up to a super breezy hello. Perhaps a high five. This of course only seems to enrage her more. In fact when entering the building today she was walking in the opposite direction, when she saw me she laughed loudly. I of course took off my sunglasses and gave her a big smile. She immediately stopped laughing and actually stomped off. The security guard looked at me and shrugged.

My favorite part about this girl is her desk. It's covered, every spare inch, with pictures of herself. Sure, everyone has a picture of themself, but usually there is someone else in the photo. Not her. She has five photos of herself in various poses, framed, scattered around her desk. One frame is even iniscribed with the word Diva. The crowning glory, which I just discovered today, is her screen saver. It's a montage of photos of her face in close up with one full body shot wherein she's wearing a bikini. Bent over. While biting her lip.

The fact I haven't throat punched her I think means I should be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least get some sort of prize. Perhaps a pony.


plain jane said...

You've GOT to be joking. Unbelievable!

Isn't there some relevant office rule that doesn't allow soft porn screen savers (of yourself)?

I'm going right now and Google how to nominate you for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Gnat of Glass said...

Plain Jane,

Not when you work where she does...MUAHAHHAA!!

I say, take a picture of her and have it framed and mounted to the front of her desk. Should win prizes.


OnLineDatingDiaries said...

Ah yes, that was the old employer of ill respute. The new place is a much classier joint.

Mel said...

i think you should take 5 pics of yourself in the same poses, and replace her desk pics with yours. of course, in each picture, you'd have that huge teeth-baring smile ;)

j.h.k. said...

I like the throat-punching idea myself.