Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Girl Who Fell Apart

Dudes, I just cried in my Korean class. I didn't know one of the words and so I burst into tears. Trust me, it was not due to the fact that I couldn't remember the word for sunlight. I am just, well, beat down. My body has been a crazy mix of emotions for the last couple of weeks and it just came a pouring out.

In class.

Where no one speaks english.

To say they were confused would be an understatement. But, I just couldn't maintain anymore. I am quite frankly all over the fucking place. I go back and forth between heartbreakingly sad to over the moon happy and my body can't do it anymore. You see, I have fallen for a very wonderful man. And as such, that makes me happy. He's amazing. But? I spent the greater part of yesterday writing my speech for Adam's memorial. Happy. Then sad. Then back to happy. You get my point. Add in some work stress and upcoming travel stress and I am a walking raw nerve. I am anxious and jumpy and many charming things including panic-attacky.

I honestly don't know what to do but I do know this, I haven't laughed in about a week and that makes me incredibly sad. Instead I am just kind of floating, somewhere between happy and sad but right over crazy land and I don't like it. I'm hoping that after Adam's memorial in a couple of weeks things will settle down a bit. We'll see. If not there's always vodka right?

Time to go cry in the bathroom as today, I'm officially that girl.


Chuck said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with your friends death. I am praying for you to find some peace and to know that he is in a better place with none of the garbage we are still stuck with.

I'm glad that you have found someone that makes you happy, though. I hope that you find comfort in his arms and that he will support you through this difficult time.

Know that we bloggers are thinking about you and I'm sending you lots of non-creepy e-hugs.


Deanna said...

I'm so sorry too. You don't know me but I read your blog because you make me laugh and smile. It doesn't seem like it now, but it will get better.

Put your kitties on your lap and give them lots of love. They miss the old you and hope they aren't the ones that made you sad.