Last year when I went to the dermatologist he found a tiny mole on the top of my ear. I promptly forgot all about it because I had better things to think about like Top Model and cheese. So imagine my surprise when about a month ago the boy (let's call him Texas for a name, cool?)Texas said 'hey, what's that?' and pointed to my ear. It seems the teeny tiny little mole was now a gigantic mole.
I then ran around in small circles screaming about my cancer ear and asking if he'd still love me if I only had an ear and a half. (He agreed, but said we'd have to discuss things if it got down to an ear and a quarter, I think this is fair). Then my friend passed away and I again forgot about it. Finally I remembered: hey idiot, you have an alien growth on your hearing appendage, go to the effing doctor.
So I did. And now I have a giant bandage where the top of my ear used to be. Essentially they did a biopsy as they aren't sure what it is, but what it's not is a normal growth. I went in thinking it would be no big deal and they would take a couple of cells, the end. If I had to go back in I would. So color me surprised when I took off the bandage and literally (turn away squeamish people) there is no skin on the top of my ear. None. Upon finding this out I ran around in small circles again, because that's how I deal with stuff.
Now, I don't know if anyone has ever removed all the skin off the top of your ear, but kids, it fucking hurts. Like a lot. Especially if you wear glasses. It's just not a fun pain and so in short: I hope vodka takes the edge off of this and also, put sunscreen on the top of your ears so you don't have to go through this. I think this may be something of a public service message and I should be rewarded. With cookies. And a pony.