Thursday, March 19, 2009

Good 'Ol Cancer Ear

Last year when I went to the dermatologist he found a tiny mole on the top of my ear. I promptly forgot all about it because I had better things to think about like Top Model and cheese. So imagine my surprise when about a month ago the boy (let's call him Texas for a name, cool?)Texas said 'hey, what's that?' and pointed to my ear. It seems the teeny tiny little mole was now a gigantic mole.

I then ran around in small circles screaming about my cancer ear and asking if he'd still love me if I only had an ear and a half. (He agreed, but said we'd have to discuss things if it got down to an ear and a quarter, I think this is fair). Then my friend passed away and I again forgot about it. Finally I remembered: hey idiot, you have an alien growth on your hearing appendage, go to the effing doctor.

So I did. And now I have a giant bandage where the top of my ear used to be. Essentially they did a biopsy as they aren't sure what it is, but what it's not is a normal growth. I went in thinking it would be no big deal and they would take a couple of cells, the end. If I had to go back in I would. So color me surprised when I took off the bandage and literally (turn away squeamish people) there is no skin on the top of my ear. None. Upon finding this out I ran around in small circles again, because that's how I deal with stuff.

Now, I don't know if anyone has ever removed all the skin off the top of your ear, but kids, it fucking hurts. Like a lot. Especially if you wear glasses. It's just not a fun pain and so in short: I hope vodka takes the edge off of this and also, put sunscreen on the top of your ears so you don't have to go through this. I think this may be something of a public service message and I should be rewarded. With cookies. And a pony.


Deanna said...

Two summer's ago I had a smallish thingy that would not go away on the side of my nostril. It turned out to be some kind of basal cell cancer after they did a biopsy. They did a procedure called Mohs Micrographic Surgery which is pretty amazing. They had to go in 3 times and I had a thumb-tip sized hole on the side of my nostril! I about freaked when I showed my sister in the clinic hospital. How they pull skin and fix it all up is amazing and I do have a minor scar but you'd never know it was the dark hole at one point. It beats the alternative. Yours might be different but I hope your results are negative. Most facial cancers are from being burnt at one point when we were younger, and I know I was. Bummer. Let us know.

Chuck said...

Ouch. I hope everything is ok with the results. The ear is not something I like a lot of pain in. (come to think of it, I don't like a lot of pain anywhere...)

So.... We internet readers (And I feel like I can speak for all of us for some reason) would like to know how you met Mr. Foodie Texas. Was he a wonder of the internet to find a normal person? Was he someone that you met whilst comsuming said Vodka? Did he catch you when you tumbled down the stairs? Give up the details!!!