Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Perhaps I Shouldn't Breed

Today I was emailing with a good friend of mine and the subject of babies came up. Specifically about how there was one at the restaurant I was at and well, it was making a God awful sound. You see in my day to day life I don't come in contact with a lot of babies. As such when I see one I immediately freeze up, especially if I'm forced to interact with them. Being a woman of a certain age everyone assumes I can't wait to grow one of them and then raise it. A year or so ago I would have agreed and oohed and awwed. Now... well...I would rather just buy a really nice pair of shoes. In fact my family was due to go decorate cookies with some kids today, but my brother and I formed an anti baby alliance and the cookie decorating was cancelled. I know this may make me see Scrooge like (I'm ok with that) but I knew the second that we walked in there someone would hand me a baby and I would be forced to smile and pretend I know what to do with it.

So the conversation I had with my friend went like this:

Her: But they're so cute!

Me: They crap, you clean it up, they cry, they don't drink. I don't understand what's to like.

Her: But it's baby crap! It's small because they're small.

Me: Yeah, still crap. And potent.

Her: Christmas makes me want to nest and want a baby.

Me: Christmas makes me want to go to Europe and dance on tables and make out with Spaniards.

So, I think that's what I'll do. My friends and I have been talking about taking a trip this spring, I think it's time to put it into motion. I have table dancing to do before I get that horrible Want A Baby holiday sensation. It's bound to hit in a few years and I think before then I have a lot of trouble to raise.


Chuck said...

Not to mention the nine months you'll have to go without drinking. And the no drinking policy while you are Breast feeding. (Yes, I capitalized Breast. They are important enough to warrant it.) It just doesn't seem worth it.

I'm glad I'm a dude. I can drink all I want whenever I want.


Red Ribbon said...

I'm the eldest of eighteen siblings that my mom and pop brought to this world. About 15 babies passed my hands... Can I join the anti baby alliance?

Please visit this free dating site and maybe you'd hook up with someone who doesn't want a baby too. lol

nice blog

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