Thursday, July 16, 2009

Wild Kingdom

So last night I was driving home from yet another date. (Side note, apparently I've decided to date the whole of Los Angeles in a single week. Just know some are good, some are bad and some are so very bad that afterwards I pray for humanity. Still thinking if I do write about them I will only write about the bad ones. But yes, there have been some truly awesome ones.)

I was on the phone with Liz doing the typical post date disection/discussion. As I was turning into my driveway I saw what I thought was a cat and stomped on the brakes.

'That's a funny looking cat!'
'How so?'
'Well, it's low to the ground... and has a pointed face... and doesn't look like a cat.'

And that's when I pieced together it was not a cat but a really giant fucking possum. A POSSUM. IN A VERY URBAN AREA OF LOS ANGELES. Dudes, I have lived some places. I have lived in places that could be considered 'country'. But Los Angeles? NOT COUNTRY.

But, apparently we have possums just walking around all willy nilly. I honestly had to go upstairs and google possum and look at pictures to make sure that's what it was. (It was). The best part however was my mild freakout when I started screaming into the phone about how the giant possum was going to attack and eat me. Liz had to calm my panicking, not country ass down and explain that unless I charge it with a stick or back it into a corner the possum would more than likely leave me alone. This however did not stop me from running, full speed into the house terrified I would turn to see it chasing after me.

I would say and this is why I should never leave big cities, but apparently even those aren't safe anymore.


Chris said...

A couple of months ago I saw a coyote running down Wilshire a few blocks away from the 405. That was a little odd.

Conrad said...

A couple of years ago there was one climbing up the wall on my way back from the laundry room. I ran back and locked the door. I think it was hissing at me.

Becky said...

I would die. DIE!!!

Chuck said...

I've had one as a "pet" once. And by "pet" I mean my Mom and Sister were wildlife rehabilitators and we found the little guy homeless and helpless. They are cute but angry little fuckers. He constantly hissed at us when we would feed him. Ungrateful cunt that he was.

We've had racoons, squirrels, rabbits, ducks all sorts of things. They were all quite entertaining. Especially the squirrel. He would take a flying leap off whatever furniture he happened to be on when you walked by and latch onto your back/arm/head. Then run around your mid section like he was in some sort of race. Quite funny unless you didn't have long pants or a sweatshirt on. Those nails are freaking sharp!

Where I live now is less urban than LA but not quite "the sticks" either. (Meaning, I actually have a yard to mow, but I have neighbors within 15 feet on either side of my house, also) I've had a Possum manage to get into my garbage cans and get stuck. (As it was still upright and they don't jump very well) I threw him some pieces of deli meat and carefully dumped the can on it's side. He trotted off on his own time.

I currently have 3 bunnies (wild) the wait for me to throw graham crackers out to them every morning and several squirrels and birds that enjoy the peanuts I put out for them.

I guess the moral to the story is, you wouldn't like my house very much. : )


AJ said...

I think you should totally move in with Chuck.

liz said...

That possum looks like a muppet. You didn't tell me the possum looked like a muppet. That changes everything.

j.h.k. said...

You crazy, possums are very common around here. I could tell you some possum stories. I have seen two raccoons in my neighborhood. Nicole was eye to eye with a fox right here in El Segundo. And those howling Hollywood Bowl coyotes! Odd, but kind of nice, I think, to know there are wild animals still making it in the big city.

gamerbri said...

LOL just had to let you know, After a long night of working. At 2 AM I had a run in with one of your crazy possums. And by run in I mean run over. don't think I did much damage but I don't think this thing will be running in the middle of the street anymore.