Sunday, January 06, 2008

Random Observations and Open Letters

1) Wine makes everything better and more funny.
2) If you eat nothing but pizza and hot chocolate for days on end you will gain weight. Totally worth it.
3) Whenever I decide I have a favorite team on the Amazing Race they come in last or get eliminated. From now on I am only going to root for assholes and annoying people.

And letters:

Dear Girl Next to Me at the Movie Theater,

I understand that WATER IS FALLING FROM THE SKY and it's you know, 50 degrees outside, but a parka and snow boots are really unnecessary. Albeit, I knew you were an idiot for another reason: you went to see a movie called There Will be Blood and hid your face every 2 minutes when there was a loud noise or blood. Given the title of said movie you should assume there will be some fucking blood, so if you can't stand movies with blood (which you stated repeatedly) try to avoid movies that explicitly state that There Will Be Blood in the title. Oh and talking throughout the movie is still annoying even if you are 5'1, blonde and 100 pounds dripping wet. I will snap you like a twig and then enjoy my mildly bloody movie in silence.

Hugs and Kisses,

Dear Mazda 323 Driving In Front of Me,

I understand that WATER IS FALLING FROM THE SKY and your car is roughly the size of my left shoe, but going 15 miles an hour down Beverly is probably not wise. This is because it angers people, people like me for example, who dream about installing giant inflatable bumpers on their cars so they can ram you without scraping their paint. So speed it up. I know that THE GROUND IS WET and this is just causing mass confusion all across LA, but let's step it up a notch. The 90 year old woman in the car next to you just gave you the bird. Take this as a hit. Or I will, God help me, ram your toy box car.

Best Wishes in the New Year,


Chuck said...

LOL. I love your open letters.


gamerbri said...

LOL oh damn. I was just talking to my girl about this and I think she was driving around the same people you were. Sorry that so many calif can't drive.