Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Things I Recommend

If you are in the scary doctor's office and they keep you waiting for 2 HOURS I recommend the following to recover:

1) vodka

2) curse a lot in front of the fancy Beverly Hills doctor. I recommend the phrase 'I bled like a motherfucker' as that one tends to illicit the furrowed brow and nervous laughter

3) vodka

4) when doctor makes a joke about how you hate him due to the wait, give a terse smile, nod and then work the phrase 'gone to shit' into conversation. This will bring forth more nervous laughter but bring you joy (only if your heart is as black as mine)

5) peanut butter and jelly on a spoon, no bread necessary (bet you thought I was gonna say vodka, huh?)

6) vodka

Yesterday was stressful. Actually it was Stressful, capital S. However things are looking good. Very good and no where as scary as the doctor's made it sound on the phone. It may, in fact, be fixed with pills and possibly a small procedure. One that would put me under and I would get to miss work for a day. Mmm... chemically induced nap and a day wherein I don't have to wear pants and pretend to be an adult. What more could a girl ask for? Oh right, vodka.


Kel said...

Funny post. Love that you're making light of the situation

gamerbri said...

can we have more vodka? me like vodka, as a matter of fact there is one you should try if you haven't yet. It's called Effen vodka.

Dimplz said... the vokda worknig?
(those aren't typos, you're just drunk...)

AJ said...

I don't see a therapist but I found my new shrink: Kettle One.

Dora said...

I'm so glad its not as scary as was thought! I hope all continues to go well!!! *Hug*