Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Not Good

I am not good. I think the technical term is 'depressed' but in my terms it's 'fucked'.

This weekend was rough in many unexpected ways. I was supposed to be in Texas with him, meeting the family. This meant that at any given moment I could look at the clock and think 'at this exact time I was supposed to have brunch with his mother'. Instead I was trying desperately to distract myself with anything I could get my hands on. I went to dinners, I went for drinks, I got a massage, hell I got a tattoo. Nothing worked. Nothing. Instead I am $400 poorer and depressed. Fun, huh?

I miss him. I miss us. I miss the person who I talked to 10 times a day.

I'm just really sad. This weekend kicked my ass good and proper. Hope yours was better than mine.


Lex said...

This part is always hard, but maybe it will teach you something. I know I was in many relationships where we spent a lot of time together too quickly. In my experience, the men I dated lived so much in the moment, that once they were tired or wanted out, they would distance themselves. Before that, they were always calling, wanting to see me, taking up all of my time.

The last guy I dated, I kept the calls short, saw him less often, and definitely had a lot of time without him. It still hurt a lot, but it forced me to not be needy. I learned a lot from that relationship, which was that nothing would have changed if I had let him take up all my time (meaning we still would have broken up) but at least I wasn't needy anymore. Hope this helps, but I am sure you know all of this already.

gamerbri said...

yea I have to admit this is the hardest part. The whole at "this time" bit can be murder on your mind and heart. Hell even though I am not quite in your shoes. I do feel you on this one. stay strong and don't leave those friends out. They are the best medicine for you right now.

Chuck said...


I am so sorry that you are so sad. I really wish there was a quick fix to make everything better. Unfortunately, the only thing that will help is time and that medicine takes so long to take effect.

The only thing that I can suggest is to try to keep yourself busy (which you are doing) and try to think in terms of your whole life. Someday you will meet the man that will make all the others seem so small. You will realize that all the pain you had to endure were the road signs that lead you to your soulmate. In order to know joy, you have to know pain. You have obviously felt the pain and I hope and truly believe that you will feel an equal and everlasting joy.

You are a wonderful person. You're smart, funny, and incredibly beautiful. You are loyal and caring and have a heart of gold.

Know that you are loved and prayed for daily.


Allison said...

this won't help, but try and be glad it ended when it did. It sucks so much more when your "this times" are "if we had stayed together we would have been married for almost two years and probably had a baby by now" like me. : (

On the positive side I take comfort in knowing that someone out there is capable of loving me the way he did-which sounds weird since it ended, but maybe you understand. hopefully the next guys to love us like that will be forever!

Deanna said...

Just try to take care of yourself through all of this. When a 7 year relationship ended for me years ago, I couldn't eat, only drank. I could have killed myself living like that but decided to forced myself to eat, it was New Year's Day. It's hard to believe that you will find the right one, but it truly does happen. Believe in yourself...I miss reading the funny you.