Dudes, I am having a Very Bad Day. I finally got word from the PoPo and my minor traffic ticket? 400 fucking dollars. Ergo, I am moving to a cabin in the woods, somewhere far far away, where I will hole up with a Tivo and my cats. Or, drink too much wine and cry at sappy movies. Toss up really. Until then, let's enjoy a survey as I've been tagged by Ms. Amanda.
Your Time Starts Now...
My earliest memory is... ok, so we are starting this on a depressing note but go with it. My earliest memory is the day of my father's funeral. I was 5 and played flying nun with my friend Lisa and our Cabbage Patch dolls. Then my grandma read me a book that explained death to me. Until that point I thought death was akin to a business trip wherein you got to wear suits, carry a briefcase and fly on airplanes. I like my version of death much better.
At school I... was a giant, giant nerd. Seriously. I wore overalls and had bangs.
My first relationship was...well my first 'boyfriend' was Shelby. We were 5 and he kissed me. Play on Playa.
I don't like talking about... ok, I've been staring at this question for 5 minutes and have failed to come up with an answer. I was going to put 'communists' and leave it at that. But, I like to talk and no topic is off limits. I know you are all incredibly shocked.
My mother always told me... to never get married and just take a lover instead.
I wish I had... a jet pack.
I wish I hadn't... eaten so much this weekend. My pants are remarkably tight.
My most humiliating moment was... oh, I have many of these. I fall. A lot. I walk into things. I would say maybe, when I was 10 or so, we were all on a houseboat and there was a deer on the mountain we were parked at. I ran in to the 'house' to get lettuce and someone closed the glass sliding door behind me. I ran full force into it, in front of my entire family and my 10 year old crush, resulting in a broken bowl and a concussion.
My happiest moments were... I have a lot of happy moments but the happiest I've ever been was living in Rome. There is a lot of pasta in Rome. You do the math.
At home I cook... often. I am secretly a 1950's housewife.
My last meal would be... So.Much.Pasta. And wine.
I'm very bad at... math. All math I have ever learned has been replaced by celebrity gossip in my brain.
When I was a child I wanted to be... a doctor.
The book that changed my life is... See, to a nerd like me this is like Sophie's Choice. I can't choose just one. Just know that if you ever meet me and ask 'what's your favorite book' you should probably bring a chair because I will bore you with book titles for about 2 hours. I like words.
It's not fashionable, but I love... Martha Stewart. There. I said it.
The song I'd like played at my funeral is... Hit the Road Jack.
Friends say I am... busty.
My greatest fear is... answering very private questions on the internet. Ok, here's a real answer, my biggest fear is never finding love again. Yep. I just dropped a whole mess of girly emotions on you. Just dab it with hot water and soap and it will come right out.
If only I could... go back in time and invent velcro. Then instead of doing surveys on the internet during my lunch break I would be flying to Sweden on my private plane.
The hardest thing I've ever done was... walked away from a relationship that wasn't right.
The last big belly laugh I had was... I laugh very easily but you know you've got me when I am doing the silent, shaking laugh thing.
What I don't find amusing is... George W. Bush
I'm always being asked... 'Do you do stand up?' or 'Do you have change for a dollar'
Cat or dog... really? Do I need to actually answer this or will showing you the 80,000 pictures of my cats suffice?
If I wasn't me I'd like to be... Tina Fey
At the moment I'm reading... Satanic Verses
My favorite work of art is...Starry Starry Night
My worst job was... Working at a Victoria Secrets in a mall right next to a retirement community. There were boobs. They were old.
I often wonder... if Madonna's arms can get any scarier looking