Thursday, September 11, 2008

Fire Belly

Nothing says relaxing Wednesday night like laying in your underwear while a stranger puts needles in your feet. Let's just say acupuncture is interesting. Also, for this little post bear in mind I have a wicked high tolerance for pain.

The session began by filling out 20 pages of questions regarding my health. After talking them over the doctor deduced that I have too much 'fire' and need to completely change my diet. In doing this for the next month I will reduce what the fire feeds on and will feel better. Yeah. Ergo, my diet now consists of meat, soy and meat. Oh and more meat. Apparently fire likes the taste of flesh, go figure. After a month I can add things back in, such as alcohol. When she told me I couldn't drink for a month I sat in silence for two minutes. Finally I looked at her and said 'my 10 year high school reunion is in 3 weeks. If you think I am going through that sober then you may, in fact, be insane.' She then conceded that desperate times call for desperate measures and I am allowed to drink at the reunion. (thanks crazy needle lady!)

We finished discussing my fire and moved into the needle room. I dropped trou and climbed on the table as there is no shame in my game. The first 4 needles I didn't feel AT ALL. It was great. I thought it would be a breeze! Then she hit a nerve in my wrist. Ever get hit with a lightening bolt in your finger (metaphorically)? I have. It's not pleasant. Apparently my nerves are located in very 'curious' positions in my wrists as and felt around on the right side and still hit another one. Lightening bolt two. It wasn't crazy painful just surprising. Like getting punched in the hand. By a man who is made out of electricity. The only other needle that hurt was the one in my foot in the spot that controls the liver. I know, I am just as shocked as you are that my liver has been a wee bit overused. Shocked and awed.

Afterward she told me to go to a herbal store and buy placenta pills. Listen, I am 100% for getting needles stuck in me and causing lightening. I will even do the all meat all the time diet, but, BUT, I draw the line at taking placenta pills. I mean, a girl's gotta have a limit and some class. So I told her this, while standing there in my days of the week underwear. Then I pulled on my pants, went home, and booked a trip to Costa Rica.

It was an interesting day.

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