Sunday, September 14, 2008

Things I Have Learned

I am following my acupuncturist prescribed diet and... it sucks. If I saw someone eating sugar or carbs or God forbid a diet Coke I would leap on them and put my tongue in their mouth regardless of gender, age or marital status. Because of this I have sequestered myself in my apartment with my new bottles of very expensive vitamins and large doses of meat. It's better for society that way. Needless to say it's been an interesting weekend.

However I have learned the following:

- When you take away carbs, caffeine and sugar I am one very tired person and could technically be described as narcoleptic

- When someone tells you brown rice will give you 'shocking amounts of energy' you should punch them in the face because they are lying

- When one's diet is limited to 5 items (no exaggeration) it can make a person cranky and apt to cry when the Food Network is on

- And finally that if my acupuncturist doesn't start adding in new foods on Wednesday as promised, you will be able to hear me screaming from Newfoundland

Seriously kids, this has been rough. My brain is angry and unable to bring the funny. All I can say that after this little experiment I better be so healthy that they dedicate science books to me. Or they give me a pony. Whichever.


kel said... sugar=no fun. But I feel ya. I watch the sugar and carbs, too, but just because my ass is already big enough without them.

gamerbri said...

You know what I would go for the pony if I was you.

liz said...

I happen to know that you have a five pound bag of croutons in your custody. Being the friend that I am, I'd be happy to watch them for you. Just until you're back on the sauce.