No Fun

Right now I am no fun. I can fully admit this all loud and proud. I can however not make the funny come. Usually when I am sad it makes me funnier (please see original blog and the horrible break up resulting in the many bad, but very funny, dates). This time... I don't know. I just kind of feel drained. This may be due to all the tears but I think I am just in need of a bit of an escape. My dream right now is to take a month off, rent a cabin in the woods and just chill out. Cook, hang with the cats and just be. No schedules, no plans, no pressure. Unfortunately as I have bills and am an adult (who is forced to wear pants ALL THE TIME) this can't happen right now. I am trying to break on through to the other side and whatnot. Trying to get past the sadness but thus far my attempts have resulted in me being fine until I shoot wide awake at either 3 or 5AM and then it hits me. Hard. This results in coworkers saying 'wow, you look tired' and resulting in more sadness. Vicious cycles are super awesome. I just wanted to put that out there, get it off my chest if you will. Hopefully I'll be back in fighting form very, very soon. But man, these last oh 4 years? Have been rough. And it finally all just caught up with me.