An Open Letter

Dear November,

Dude, you sucked. Sure you had some good times with the turkey and the gross overeating with all of the desserts. Those cookies rocked, November. Rocked it hard. However, the good times were vastly outweighed by the suck. Dear LORD the epic suck. Suck I haven't written about on my little blog because I didn't want internet strangers jumping off bridges on my behalf (and because writing about it would have made it real). I have somehow made it through the suck and am standing here a little more bitter, a little jaded and significantly more chubby due to your one banner day. If I could dance a jig of glee that you are over, November, I would. But I can't due to the leg pain. (Although the pictures were awesome, so kudus on that) Just know I am doing a jig in my head and it is wonderful and jaunty and has jazz hands.

Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out,
Me

Sassy Boyfriend

So my friend Ava is awesome. This I have stated a few times. Together we take trips, laugh and do fancy overpriced dinners. Also, she can cook well and isn't hard on the eyes. Essentially we have the perfect non sexual relationship. Thus, we jokingly call each other boyfriend. It's become kind of known amongst our friends and family that this is the nickname and in fact when I go out with her now my mom says to say hi to my boyfriend for her. It's kind of adorable.

However, I have realized the flaw in this: meeting new people. Specifically on dates. When telling stories (which let's face it, I'm apt to do) I start my stories about Ava with 'so I was out with my boyfriend...' and then I get very awkward looks and clearing of the throat from the other side of the table. Then there is rapid backpedalling and wild hand gesticulations as I try to explain that she's not a real boyfriend just a friend with who I take romantic vacations and spend a lot of my time with. She's my 1950's asexual relationship I say.

Again, uncomfortable stares from the other side of the table. Then I show them a picture of her and all is right with the world, as again, she's stupid hot.

And that's how I spent my night: convincing a suitor I wasn't otherwise engaged and then letting him know he'd be second tier to her for all matters such as vacations and dining. It really is a wonder I'm single.

Movin'?

So, I have been debating something for awhile now. That something being the potential of moving out of LA. I have some reasons to stay and some very compelling reasons to go. Some of those reasons of course revolve around the fact that it is now mini skirt and Uggs season which makes me want to put sharp things in my eyes and other revolve around wanting to possibly have a house that is larger than 600 square feet. You see, I want this thing called 'space' and a 'yard' and as I am not willing to get plastic surgery and marry a studio exec, I don't see that happening here. Ergo, the debate.

So internet I ask you, where should I move? Currently I am thinking of just chucking it all and becoming a Cirque du Soleil groupie as those French (ok, Canadian) midgets are awesome. However, that doesn't seem logical really so I am back to square one.

Thoughts?

Fat Man

Yesterday I was a fat man. I full on passed out after Thanksgiving dinner and have thus become my grandfather. Next up: pants up to my nipples and saying 'Golly' a lot.

Seriously though we ate and ate and ate and then drank and drank and drank. At 8:30 we decided to take a break and put on the classic Christmas film, Die Hard. Roughly 10 minutes in I fell asleep. Not just fell asleep but fell into a deep, deep sleepy and apparently could not be awoken. Thus when I woke up at 10:15 my friend was staring at me and most of the party had gone home. Best house guest EVER. I then woke my other friend and we quietly left...then went back to my place and ate and drank some more. Apparently that was just a power nap and round two couldn't wait.

Today I have lazed about in pajama pants bemoaning my state and working from home. I am now contemplating leaving my house at the early hour of 6:30 as I feel I should see other living things other than my cats. However, that requires pants. Decisions, decisions.

Turkey Day

Today I am thankful. Period. It's been a rough year, y'all. ROUGH. However, today I am going to forget about that. I am going to cook, cuddle cats, and eat too much surrounded by friends.

Per the request of Becky, here's the recipe to the cookies I proposed to last night: http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/pumpkin-cookies-with-brown-butter-icing

May you find a baked good that you'd like to marry as well, but back off, these are mine. Our love is pure and real.

Happy Thanksgiving my dears.

Cookin'

I would like to be asleep at the moment, however I am baking and brining. I have thus far made 5 dozen pumpkin cookies with brown butter icing and the pumpkin cheesecake is in the oven. Apparently I am somehow under the impression that I am cooking for 700 and not 7. However, if it were legal to marry a cookie I would marry the cookies currently in my kitchen. No joke. I think after eating said cookies (I had to sample them) I found the lord. Or something like it which may have been a sugar rush.

After the cheesecake is out of the oven I will put in the biscuits and also throw the carrots in the crockpot. I have decided that sleep is for pussies and my friends needs to gain some weight. This is the only logical reason why I will be cooking until the wee hours of the morning. That or I'm crazy. Toss up really.

I hope you out there get some sleep and that someone is cooking for you.

ACH

This morning a friend of mine sent me the following article: http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/23/the-christian-side-hug-front-hugs-be-too-sinful/

Please be sure to watch the video. Let it all sink in there.

After reading it I decided to invent my own hug called the A.C.H. which stands for the Agnostic Crotch Hug. It's like the regular hug you see, just no arms. Instead, you just tap crotches. I like to think of it as the perfect ice breaker on first dates or company parties. Boy, I can't wait to try it out at all my upcoming holiday events and/or my new improv group. It'll win them over for sure.

Side note- this post made me use the word crotch, aka the worst word in the english language, multiple times. That's how committed I was to this joke. (Or not a joke because I totally plan on doing this.)

D'oh!

So I totally failed at the whole blogging every day thing (except for the day I fell in Vegas, which was excused due to hilarity). And I have no good reason for missing yesterday other than 'I was sleepy'. Yep. That's my excuse. I needed a nap. Lots of them, strung together, otherwise know as I went to bed at 9:30.

Who's a party animal now, huh?

I actually woke up at 11:30 for a few brief seconds and actually thought about writing a sentence or two and thus achieve the goal but then I remembered just how comfortable my new pillows are and well, it didn't happen.

But my punishment was that I had to get up early and go to physical therapy. Dudes, it hurts, a lot. They like to ask you what hurts and then as you finish the word they jam a pointy finger in that exact spot, look at you with innocent eyes and say 'here?' Yes. THERE. The swollen part that has your finger lodged in it. It's also why my eyes are now watering. And they kind of nod and then not kidding, hit it with a sledgehammer and then light it on fire. Then they pat you on the head and send you to work as they are EVIL. Evil that I pay for and will now subject myself to three times a week for the foreseeable future.

Yay life!

Hodgepodge

- Today I went to a friend's house to help put up her Christmas tree. For the first four hours we were there we ate and talked about boys. Then as I realized that it was getting late we hurriedly put up the tree. This is how these events should go. Especially since there was fried goat cheese which is my new obsession in life.

- As of late I am obsessed with tattoos. I don't know what's going on but if I meet a boy and he doesn't have ink I immediately ratchet my interest down a couple of notches. This it completely out of the blue and a 180 on what I used to like. Previously I went for the J. Crew preppy and am mildly confused by the turn of events. I'm going with it however, I tend not to meet these boys in my day to day life. I am thinking of going to SilverLake and tracking myself down a hipster with full sleeves. Apparently I just want to make my mother utterly miserable.

- I start improv again in 2 weeks. I am INTENSELY nervous. First of all, it's been awhile and I am out of practice. Second, I am still in my Terminator-esque leg brace. Thirdly I have two shows this time. I have already started practicing deep breathing techniques to calm my nerves. Dudes, I FREAK out before shows. Mostly I stand behind the stage and mutter angrily 'why am I doing this to myself? I have a job! I have a blackberry! I am a responsible adult, dammit! Whhhhyyyyyy?' Charming, no?

Things I Discovered Today

- Retail Therapy: I have always adamantly hated shopping. Internet, I have learned the errors of my ways. I shopped today and damn, it felt good. Especially because I bought the entire state of California, and it is apparently adorable, and includes tiny ceramic birds.

- Tiny ceramic birds: Can be adorable. Or one step closer to Spinster Town, USA. It's currently up for debate.

- Kiss My Bundt: It's a cake shop that sells teeny tiny little bundt cakes that are ridiculously, out of control delicious. Seriously, they should be illegal, that's how tasty they are. It may be the best red velvet cake I have had in California and my friends, I have had a lot of red velvet cake. If you are in LA and having a bad day, go, neigh, run, you won't regret it. Also it's conveniently located beneath my massage place and cake after a 90 minute massage tastes even better.

- The kindness of strangers: Apparently when getting out of Liz's car I dropped my phone. I realized I was without my phone about two hours later. We assumed I had left it in the car and went back. When we got there I found my phone resting on the door handle, turned screen in so it blended with the car. All we can figure is someone saw me drop it and decided to hide it there as best they could so no one would take it. This is to me, beyond amazing, and totally turned my mood completely around. It made me realize, as mushy as this seems, that there is some good in the world and people can surprise you in the best of ways. So as we drove away, me clutching my phone, I sent the stranger that found my phone very good thoughts and wished for them a lifetime of happiness and amazing sex. Fingers crossed they get it.

Bad Day

Kids, I have had a ridiculously bad day. So horrible in fact that not even the new Twilight movie could cheer me up. I KNOW. I went, I watched, I am now home. I think it's time to hide under the covers and count down to my massage in the very early morning hours.

Dinner

I just got home from a business dinner and it is 11:30PM. Dudes, I am tired. And full of very, very, very expensive, very, very tasty pasta. It was so good that we all had to undo our pants to get dessert in there. As I attempted to lift the last spoonful to my mouth, shaking, my assistant asked me how I was fitting it in. I turned to him and said 'dude, do you see this body? This body is powered by flour!' Then we clinked wine glasses and asked for another round of the chocolate tort.

What the What

Tonight I sat in a circus tent and watched wee little French men fling themselves about in dangerous ways. In other words I went to see Kooza, a Cirque du Soleil show. It was awesome and I highly recommend you check it out if you are in the area. So amazing in fact that when a dude looked like he was going to fall I screamed like a teenager and accidentally grabbed Ava's boob as I panicked. I totally got to second base in a circus tent. Score: 1 for me, 0 for today.

The main thing I took away from the show was: how does one discover that they can do these things? I mean, if you are short and french does the government knock on your door, hand you some spandex and say 'get to stretchin', you've got a destiny!'? I mean I'm bendier than most but I've never thought to myself that I should balance on my head while doing a backbend and then gently rest my feet on my forehead. Apparently in France, that's the norm though and even though I've been to Paris multiple times I imagine that the streets are full of hyper flexible people wearing outfits with codpieces, just like the Cirque team.

My brain is a magical place.

Wake Up Call

According to the interwebz cats hate the scent of citrus. Of course I trusted this information as why wouldn't I? The internet is where I find things like good deals on shoes and dates. It's my own personal virtual wonderland. So, I had utter confidence that my cats would leave me alone after I applied my new orange scented face lotion.

I was woken up at 4AM by a 22 pound cat sitting on my chest and licking the lotion off my eyebrow. That was the most action I've gotten in months.

Apparently sometimes the internet lies, and not just through out of date photos of potential dates. I'm off to apply more lotion though and hit the sheets. What? It's been slow for me lately and it may save me from having to pluck my eyebrows. I call that multi tasking.

Curious

I seem to be losing my clothes. If I were, ahem, carnally involved with someone, there would be a logical explanation. However, I spend most of my nights alone with los gatos so that reasoning is out the window. So, this leaves the idea of the invisible gnome who destroyed my glasses OR someone is breaking in and stealing item by item. Again, I figured this out using extreme logic.

But, previously I lost my black cardigan. I had it when I got home and in the morning, gone. Then a tee shirt I use at the gym. Poof. Now my new favorite shirt. This is when I get angry. Take my old cardigan, sure, but the shirt that totally highlights my rack and makes my waist look 2 inches big? OPEN WARFARE. I have spent the evening turning my apartment upside down and inside out and have come up empty handed. However, I did find a dollar bill, a lost book and a treasure trove of socks. I did not however find my clothes. At this rate in 6 months I will have a single sock left and be using my cats to cover up my bathing suit area.

I give up. Damn gnome. I think I'll leave some cookies out for him. Gnomes like Malomars, right?

Hibernating

Apparently I am part bear and have thus hibernated the vast majority of the weekend. The upside of this: I baked. The downside of this: I can't really move due to the leg brace so I can't burn off the cookies I have now consumed for pretty much every meal. However the cookies have oatmeal and raisins in them so they're practically a salad. And that my friends is how I justify EVERYTHING.

Side note: after a friend dropped me off tonight after my brief foray into the world I noticed some puzzles in her trunk. Apparently she was going to take them to Goodwill as she completed them long ago. So, not only did I take them thus depriving children who would have gotten then, but I am now the single lady who lives alone and does puzzles.

Yeah.

And one of them has cats on it.

Yep. Let that sink in for a second. Perhaps I should get out more? Nah. That's just silly

An Open Letter

Dear Hipster Girl in My Neighborhood,

Hi there. You don't know me but I see you around a lot. You are noticeable because, well, you're often kind of naked. So let me just say this: that sheer slip you wear as a dress, it's SHEER. Like totally. Especially in the sun. It doesn't matter if you pair it with a chunky pair of Ray Bans, we aren't looking at your face. Also, there's a new rip directly across the ass, not sure if you noticed that. Perhaps you did. And perhaps that's why you decided to go commando this morning. Wise choice. Especially in front of all those kids at the pet adoption faire. They had to learn about the female form sometime, right? All I can say is this, we get it. You are cute and irreverent. You don't care about societies rules! Screw them! You can dress the way you want and still drive that BMW with a coexist bumper sticker! However, next time you wear the sheet slip as a dress with no underwear you may want to a get a wax first. Just sayin'.

Thanks for making me want to punch myself in the face repeatedly,
Me

Girl's Night

So Liz and I are sitting around in sweat pants drinking as I am, well, broken and can't be seen in public. While discussing Oprah, as you are wont to do in my house, and how she may console herself I said the following:

'Oprah can console herself by rolling around in piles of her own money. If I did that there'd be lots of quarters stuck to my ass.'

Then we giggled and then I wrote about it on the internet.

Happy Friday.

Vegas The Final Day

Sleeping in a leg immobilizer is difficult. It becomes slightly easier if you consume all the vodka in the world and then take a Vicodin. Then you'll sleep until 3PM. This is of course only after you text message every person in your phone explaining that you fell down and went boom. And if you're me in this situation, you'll also text message your most recent ex. Oops?

The girls got up with me and asked if I was ready to head home. No, no I was not. Here's why: we fought the worst traffic in the history of mankind to get there. We had come with a goal to get good and kissed and forget all of our problems. Since I could not do this, they had to go out for me. They were going to have fun, dammit, if it killed me.

So we all got ready and I took them to a champagne tasting. (Side note, if you are on crutches seriously have Liz and Ava with you as one will walk in front screaming for people to get out of the way and the other will yell at people who don't. It's fairly awesome. ) As Ava is The Best Mom in the World she let me have 3 glasses of bubbly (shhh...don't tell Liz). Then I headed upstairs to go to sleep. At 11PM. In Vegas. The girls waved good bye and off they went to dance and mingle and have fun. I watched a documentary on otters.

Let me repeat that: in Las Vegas, in a free suite, in a leg immobilizer, I watched a documentary on otters. Oh yeah. Livin' it up. Do I know how to vacation or what?

The girls got home at 4AM and collapsed into bed. Then I made them get up at 7AM to drive my broken ass home as I'm evil. Also, I had cats to cuddle and blog posts to write about super exciting otter documentaries. I have priorities people.

Vegas Part 2

We arrived at the ER in a cab and I was immediately put into a wheelchair. Liz took control of steering me as the staff clearly wanted no part of our shenanigans. People, the first window you encounter in the Vegas ER is a mirror. Apparently the check in lady is sitting behind said mirror to take your information. This does not compute when drunk. So much so that you will have this conversation:

Me: It's a mirror!

Lady behind mirror (LBM): Hi ma'am how can I help you?

Me: The mirror is talking to me! Hello me in the mirror! Why do you have to say?

LBM: Ma'am, I am behind the mirror. Can I have your insurance card.

Me: (confused) Liz, why is there a mirror? Are you trying to tell me to fix my hair? And why does the mirror want my wallet? Is the mirror a thief?

This went on for awhile. We eventually figured it out and got checked in and thus sat about waiting. By sat about waiting I mean hosted a photo shoot in the ER. Yeah. There are roughly 50 pictures of me in a wheelchair pointing at my leg, licking my insurance card and befriending Tanisha who was also waiting for a friend. Let's just say they are classy and I now have the cover for my upcoming Christmas card.

Finally I got called in. Alone. As per Liz they have a 'no drunk bitches in the ER rule'. This is a rule I fought. I demanded a friend and finally for fear of a drunken rampage they let me have one. I asked if it was Sophie's Choice and asked for both which they did not appreciate. So, I told them to bring me the tall brunette one. Apparently the tall brunette one and the blonde one were outside eating a bag of potato skins and could not be found. Thus I called them. Apparently the phone fell into said potato skins bag and when Liz finally came into the room to meet me said the two following things:

'This hospital sucks! They don't sell cigarettes and they don't make change!' and 'you were small and angry and yelling at me from inside a potato skins bag! How'd you do that?' And then we took more pictures.

The nurse came by at that moment and handed me the protection vest for XRays. I could only find one loop so I figured it was a halter top style and slipped it over my head. Internet, it was not a halter top style and the nurse laughed so hard at me she almost wet her pants. Finally it was deduced that I had dislocated my kneecap (which I had told them) and needed a leg immobilizer. Then they left for a long, long time. So we had to make our own fun. First I took my temperature with the machine on the wall (an orderly walking by stopped, called me weird, and left) and then Liz went through my purse looking for a chapstick. Instead she found two packets of instant oatmeal I had thrown in there for work and had forgotten about. When inebriated and in an ER there is nothing better than finding instant oatmeal in your purse. Why? Well because now you have more props for a photoshoot. Which you will host from your hospital bed. And this is how your doctor will find you: half naked (they took away my pants for the xrays, apparently I then told 3 hospital workers that my underpants were sheer), wearing a spangley shirt, lipstick freshly applied, holding a packet of instant oatmeal on either side of your head while your friend takes pictures. It is then they will slap on your leg brace and send you the hell home.

And this is how I ended up back in the Palazzo, walking with crutches and hospital socks, carrying my shoes at 7AM.

Vegas Part 1

So here's where I finally post about Vegas. Has the anticipation been killing you? No? Ok, well, I'll post anyway.

On Friday afternoon my dear friends Liz and Ava and I hopped in my car, cranked the iPod and pointed our car towards Las Vegas. We then didn't move for 4 hours. In no way am I exaggerating when I say it took us 4 hours to go 35 miles. It was the worst traffic I have ever encountered. We amused ourselves by taking pictures of us making sad faces. That lasted approximately an hour. Then I spent the next three hours alternately weeping and threatening to stab all drivers in the face AND cursing out our extreme lateness. We were due to meet my uncle at 9PM, you see and I was unshowered.

Cut to 8:30 and we arrived at the hotel. You have never seen three girls get ready so quickly. That thing called modesty went straight out the window. There was a lot of naked, internet. A lot. I think officially all three of us are married in several states now due to what was seen. However, at 8:55 we were ready and walked out. I have never been so proud in my life.

At the club due to the rushing and the madness and the general stabby feelings we drank a lot. And by a lot I mean more than most people drink in a month. We danced on top of platforms. We drank vodka straight out of bottles. We flirted with 23 year olds and it was awesome. The first sign the night may go awry was when I was dancing on a platform and full on whacked my head on a corner. When I asked Liz for ice she handed me a single cube on a napkin. Luckily Ava jumped in and handed me more ice, which I applied to my head whilst I continued to sip from my drink. Wise choice. Getting stark raving drunk would come in handy shortly...

At approximately 2:45AM they took away the ropes around our table and it was open to the public. Apparently one of the public spilled their drink, chock full of ice. Not seeing this I walked through the mess in my incredibly high heels and well, I slipped. I slipped hard....and dislocated my knee. I at this point looked up laughing and internet, I shit you not, I pushed my knee cap back in by my hand. Yep. And then I got up, handed a bottle of vodka to Liz and insisted I was fine. Then I got to the stairs. Stairs are not your friend when you are limping and drunk. While standing there trying to figure out how I was going to get down them I was approached by two sober club employees. Thank the Lord for them. They carried me down the stairs and called an EMT. By the point the girls had shown up and it was declared I needed to go to the Vegas ER. At 3AM. On a Friday. With two very drunk friends in tow.

And that's the story that will continue tomorrow.

Feline

Today, I was a cat. I woke up, ate and then went back to sleep. All in I have slept 18 hours. I am now even more jealous my cats. This is due to Vegas recovery and also copious amounts of vicodin. However due to both of these things I am not what one would call coherent. In fact, it took me two attempts to write that sentence.

So, the Vegas post will happen tomorrow. Right after my visit with the orthopedic surgeon.

Vegas: The Weecap

So more to come tomorrow after I have recovered a bit more, however just know the following:

- the first thing they ask you in the Vegas ER is 'how much have you had to drink tonight?'

- Vicoden is awesome

Yesterday

Yesterday Liz was having a rough day. I was at a dinner in her neighborhood and decided to swing by afterward. She was waiting on her front stoop waiting for me so I decided to make the most of it. Getting out of my car I walked in slow motion, flung my arms open and serenaded her with Open Arms. I think had she not been having such an immensely crappy day she would have appreciated it more. Or, it's an explanation as to why I'm single. Whichever.

Now to pack for Vegas.

A Valiant Effort

I am attempting to do the whole blog every day in the month of November thing. Notice the word attempting. This is due to the fact that tomorrow I will put Ava and Liz in my car and I will drive us to Vegas. Where there is bottle service. And a lack of morals. Ergo, I am not sure blogs will happen on Saturday or Sunday. Or they will and they will be drunken or just mobile uploads of my shoes. Tough call.

But, things have gone awry in all of our world's lately so I decided the only cure for this was to apply copious amounts of vodka. Luckily my uncle is still there and still going through his late life crisis and thus is welcoming us with open arms.

Oh, it will be good. If you see a car with three girls loudly singing along to Journey, wave and say hi.

Uranus

So today Liz and I did the chart of a boy. Because we're hippies like this. Upon me discussing the chart with her we realized that he has Uranus in the 5th house, aka the house of pleasure. Internet, there is nothing funnier than having Uranus in your pleasure house.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Uranus dictates his pleasure.

Her: Uranus is opposed to mine, meaning Uranus brings me no happiness.

Me: Have you discussed Uranus with him? And how it's not bringing you pleasure at the moment?

This went on for, oh, 90 minutes. There were tears of laughter. And this is why I love astrology.

Halloween, the final recap

- Here's a tip from me to you, when you buy glitter body spray put this on outdoors. Or, if you like me, are a little slow, don't apply it when standing in front of your air conditioner, next to a pile of clean laundry, and being stared at by a cat. This will cause the gold glitter spray to go EVERYWHERE. It is harder to remove from your cat than you think. Also, coworkers will stare at you, mouth agape, for many days afterward when you walk around with glitter covering everything. If that happens, well, just roll with it and tell people you are just exploring your Spice Girls side. They'll buy it. Or at least nod and back slowly away.

- My office fort lost the contest. This may have been that I accidentally pegged one of the judges in the eye with candy. You see, I sat in my fort and when I heard the door open I chucked candy over the fort walls. How was I to know he had really slow reflexes? It did however make the day incredibly amusing. I really recommend doing this for yourself. Even if it's not office sponsored.

- This year I only went to two parties. I was due to go to many more but the 2nd one had very cute boys to stare at. Ergo, we stayed put.

- I had more to write but I just got back from dinner where my friends and I split the best apple pie in the history of the universe and now I am tired. I am an old man who has to take naps after food. P-A-R-T-Y up in here!

Halloween, Part 2

So Liz and I went to a party in a cemetery. This is not the story however. The story is that we got inebriated and somehow my glasses got stepped on. I, personally, blame a gnome I call Sammy. It's the only logical explanation.

Thus, on Saturday I bought some super glue and set forth to MacGyver the shit out of them. I did, and in the process super glued myself to well, myself. There was lots of glue all over my hands. Fingers stuck to other fingers, thumbprints made of glue on my hand and thumbprints made of glue on the lenses of my glasses. Yay MacGyver! I called Liz (dialing with my nose) and asked how to remove superglue. She verbally shrugged and suggested peeling it off. And that's what I spent the next 3 hours doing once I unstuck myself from myself.

Later that evening we were at yet another party. Walking down the stairs my sandal caught in the gap of the step and my sandal broke. As I exclaimed this and my friend Ava said 'oh no!' Liz excitedly looks at me and in all seriousness asked 'Did you bring your super glue?' Because, in her mind, it was totally logical that in my tiny handbag I had packed the glue. Once I said no, Ava had to sit down due to laughing so hard she could no longer breathe.

And this is why I love Halloween and Liz. I do not however love gnomes named Sammy.

Ah Halloween

I am still recovering from last night and the epic nature of the last week so this post may a bit short. Mostly because I am only able to speak in short choppy sentences.

Last night at a party however I made a new friend. This friendship was based on our mutual love of candy corn in a party full of candy corn haters. She got really adamant about her love and thus we had the following conversation with the group. I'm not sure if it's as funny out of context, but at the time I laughed so hard I had to sit down due to weeping.

Her: They should do an Iron Chef where candy corn in the main ingredient. Seriously, it's that good.
Random dude: A whole episode? What else can you make out of candy corn except candy corn?
Her: Anything! I would make dumplings, stews, elaborate chicken dishes. Dumplings. Yeah. Mostly dumplings.

And then we googled candy corn recipes on our phones. Shockingly, there aren't any.

Then for the next hour I would just randomly say 'mostly dumplings' and laugh again. In fact, I've been doing that again today. Alone. In my house. Wearing snowman pajama pants. Can you say winner?