An Open Letter

Dear Simon Cowell,

A) What the eff were you doing on my street? Seriously dude, are you lost? Did you feel like just taking a spin and mocking those with living spaces significantly smaller than yours?

B) Thanks for swerving at the last minute and missing my car. Perhaps if you hadn't have been talking on your cell phone this would have been an easier maneuver.

C) I still find you oddly hot. Just wanted to put that out there. So, if you are ever in my 'hood again swing by. I cook. And I put out.

Hugs and kisses (seriously dude, it could happen),
Me